When the water cooled off, I gave up.
“Operation bath to forget is officially a failure,” I explained to my ducky.
I rinsed off, not wanting the blue to get on my favorite jams only to discover that the blue hadn’t only stuck to me. It was also on the tub, which turned into me scrubbing it.
“From now on, I’m only getting bath bombs from stores because, as nice as it was, there’s nothing fun about scrubbing the bathtub,” I explained to my new little boat.
It took a lot of elbow grease, but eventually, all the blue was gone from the tub and from me. Thankfully, none stained my towel. If it had, I wasn’t sure how I’d get it out. Bleaching a towel covered in pink flamingos wearing floaties would only lead to disappointment when the pink faded away or had blotches on it.
I grabbed my ABC jams, put them on, and set up the TV. If playing in the tub didn’t work, playing with my toys wasn’t going to either. But whimsical television? That might do the trick.
Pup-Pup and his little crocheted ducky were my companions for the evening. They were the best kind. They didn’t talk back, wouldn’t try and eat all my gummy bears, and always let me pick the show. That didn’t stop me from wishing Daddy were here. Because yes, he was starting to be Daddy to me more than Jovan.
The joy of streaming was that I could find any cartoon I wanted, and I opted for a silly one with a tiny dog who reminded me of Zoe. Not in size, obviously. But in all other ways. This dog was the size Zoe believed herself to be, and the joy and silliness that she exuded was 100 percent her.
I watched most of the season before I realized I didn’t know what was going on in any of the episodes, thanks to my mind wandering back to the dinner conversation.
I grabbed my phone to text the guys to see if maybe they wanted to chat, but not about Jovan and me… I wasn’t one who wanted to share the ups and downs of my relationships with people who weren’t part of them. There was nothing wrong withthat. It was just that I had a hard enough time talking about that stuff with the people who needed to hear it.
My clock lockscreen told me it was after one. I gave up on the idea, not wanting to bother them.
“What do we do now, Pup-Pup?” I picked him up, hugging him close. “You think we can fall asleep?”
I carried him and his crocheted duck to bed after flicking off the television. I climbed under the covers, hugging my second pillow close with Pup-Pup sharing my pillow with me.
“I wish Daddy was here.” I kissed Pup-Pup’s head, followed by the duck’s. “Try to go to sleep now, you two, because I don’t want you being grumpy tomorrow.” As if my stuffies could ever be grumpy.
But the odds were strong that I was going to be if I didn’t get my head out of my ass soon.
Chapter Fourteen
Jovan
With our agreement to go slow, the daddy/little aspect that was very important to us both was not moving at all. As two bigs, my being called away didn’t bother him at all, but when he was little, he needed more. Which made perfect sense and so far was just hanging there. The elephant in the room.
So, when I was invited to speak at a convention several states away, I didn’t invite Ernie to go with me. I wanted him there, would miss him terribly, but I’d decided to let him tell me when he was comfortable to move forward with more, or if he wanted to take a step back. Or out. We hadn’t been together very long, but already life without him sounded very lonely.
He was busy at work, anyway, I told myself. His employer was unlikely to appreciate him taking any time off so soon. It could even jeopardize his job. So, off I flew to be the keynote speaker at an emergency medicine convention, and Ernie stayed home and babysat Zoe. I had planned to send her to the kennel as I had on previous occasions when I had to travel for work, but Ernie insisted that she would be sad. I did point out that it was more of a dog spa, and she had friends there, but he held his ground. Their relationship had no slow spots, and I was starting to think that if anything happened between us, he’d need to have joint custody.
We texted and called every day, and he sent me adorable pictures of Zoe at home, at the dog park, the café…in a few she was wearing hats. So silly, so cute…I’d never imagined a dog of her size wearing hats, but she could totally carry them off. They were having a great time, it seemed, and that was good because without both of them, I was not having a great time.
The workshops and networking fortunately kept me busy during the days, and any downtime could be filled with a trip to the hotel fitness center, but at night…that’s when I missed them. My family, even if it wasn’t official between Ernie and me.
The suite the event had provided for me as keynote was huge, and every time I walked in, all I could think was how much Ernie would enjoy it. The big jacuzzi tub, the fancy coffeemaker where he could prepare his favorites to sip on the balcony loungers. The bed was big enough for us and Zoe, with room for a couple more big dogs—not that this hotel welcomed dogs. A real negative as far as I was concerned. But everything else was top of the line. Fantastic. Luxurious. And as I lay on those 1500 thread-count sheets, unable to sleep for missing Ernie, and of course Zoe, I just wished I was home sitting in front of the TV, eating microwave popcorn, and watching just about anything he liked.
Finally, the last day of the event arrived and I did everything I had to do. Gave my speech at the big awards dinner, and slipped out before I could get dragged off to one of the after-parties everyone seemed to be going to.
I went back to the suite, made a coffee, settled in one of the loungers, and placed a FaceTime call. Up to now, there’d been no video, just lots of quick updates and good mornings and good nights. I was afraid anything more than that would have me leaving the event early, and the minute Ernie’s face came up on my phone, I knew I had been right.
“Hi!” he said, and I was taken aback by how tired he looked. Big bags under his eyes and not much of a smile.
“Is Zoe keeping you up at night? I knew she’d be a handful.”
“Don’t you say that about Zoe. She’s been wonderful, and I’m glad I could stay at your place so she gets her walks and stuff.”
“All right.”
“How was the speech?”
