‘Looking back, yeah. Hindsight is always a wonderful thing. I think I was so head over heels that I wasn’t thinking clearly.’
‘How long did you date?’
‘About a year. It all moved very quickly. Lots of partying and passion. Before I knew it I was on one knee, proposing. She said yes and in the beginning she was super enthusiastic about planning the wedding. But then she asked if I’d take overbecause she had a lot on at work. I was at business school, whereas she was working in PR, so I understood that involved long hours. I planned everything. The venue, the reception, the DJ. Theo and Tom and several friends flew over from London for the ceremony. They’d said I was crazy to get tied down so young, but I was in love. We had plans. We’d get married, buy a house together, have kids. But then?—’
‘Should we sit?’ Sarah squeezed my hand, then pointed to an empty bench. I nodded, then shuffled up beside her.
‘At first I just thought she was late. In that respect, she was a stereotypical woman. Took an age to get ready, even if we were just going to the supermarket. Her hair, nails and clothes had to always be perfect. So when the boys joked that she wasn’t coming, I reassured them that if it took her over an hour to get ready to do food shopping, it’d take her ages for our wedding day.’
‘How long were you standing there?’
‘Almost an hour.’ I replied. Sarah winced and a twinge of embarrassment shot straight to my gut. ‘Stupid, I know. I’d called her a few times by that point, but she hadn’t answered. Theo took me outside and suggested we call her maid of honour.’
‘Didn’t she have any family waiting at the church?’
‘No. She didn’t speak to them. That’s probably why we got attached so quickly. I was in California, thousands of miles away from my loved ones, and she was on her own too, so it was like we just had each other.’
‘I get that.’
‘When we called her friend, she didn’t answer. It didn’t surprise me because we never really got on. But just as we were about to go there to check that something hadn’t happened to Piper, my ex, a text came through from her friend saying that she wasn’t coming.’
‘Wait,what?’ Sarah’s face crumpled. ‘So herfriendtexted you? She didn’t even have the decency to tell you herself?’
‘No.’ I hung my head. ‘I couldn’t believe it. There was so much of that day that I didn’t remember. Apparently, Tom took me home after that text, whilst Theo broke the news to everyone, but after that I fell into a dark hole for months. I dropped out of business school and just started partying and never really stopped.’
‘Shit.’ Sarah wrapped her arm around my back, then started rubbing it in soothing circles. ‘Did you ever speak to her again?’
‘A few weeks later she texted. Said she was sorry but that she’d realised that I wasn’thusband material. That it was fun whilst it lasted and that was it.’
‘Thatwas her explanation?’
‘Correct. None of it made sense at first. I was studying, but I had money. Father gave me an allowance, and I had the money I inherited when I was twenty-one that Mother left me, so it wasn’t as if I was a struggling student who couldn’t keep up with her. I was ready to commit and give her everything.’
‘You saidat first?’
‘Because then as time passed, I found out that whilst we were together, she was involved with someone else. One of her clients.’
‘Fuck. I know how gutting that feels.’
‘Obviously, I was devastated. And I felt like even more of a fool. So that’s when I started trying to numb the pain.’
‘Drugs?’
‘No. Luckily, I steered clear of those. But alcohol and women became my vices. I basically tried to party and fuck the pain out of my system.’
‘Did it work?’ Sarah asked.
‘Plot twist, I know, but surprisingly not. Theo intervened and was able to get me off the booze and into fitness instead. That’swhen I started taking better care of my body and health, but the side effect of that was more women.’
Sarah’s face fell and I realised I wasn’t painting myself in a very positive light, but it was the truth.
‘Just to be clear,’ I added, ‘I was always safe and I got tested regularly, so please don’t worry about catching anything. I’m clean. I got tested before I started working at the library, and you’re the only woman I’ve slept with since then.’
‘Really?’ Sarah’s eyes popped.
‘Yes. I… I was just tired of it. I was just kind of… done.’
‘I wouldn’t have guessed that.’
