I loved when we cooked together.
I loved eating dinner beside her whilst we chatted about our days.
I loved the way she rested her legs on my lap and let me massage her feet when she was writing. And how comfortable it felt to just sit with her and read.
The wordcomfortableused to make me think about boredom and monotony. But now, as strange as it sounded, there was something rather thrilling about feeling so at ease with someone that there wasn’t a need to talk to fill the silence orperform.
With Sarah, I didn’t have to crack jokes or entertain her so that she’d stick around. And despite what we’d originally agreed, it wasn’t just about the sex. In fact, some of the best moments were when she was just lying in my arms at night. Or when we were doing an everyday task like chopping vegetables for supper.
This sense of ease and belonging was something that I’d never experienced. And if I was being honest, it scared the living daylights out of me.
In less than a month the bar would be finished and my time in Sunshine Bay would be over. Sarah would’ve finished her book outline and wouldn’t require my ‘services’ anymore, so it’d be time for me to leave.
I’d gone over and over it in my head. Considered whether it was feasible for me to stay, but it really wasn’t.
Theo and Jess wouldn’t have enough work for me, so they couldn’t waste valuable funds on paying an extra wage.
And as for Sarah, it was better to go out on a high. I needed to leave whilst things were still good between us. Before she got bored of me and left. Getting over my ex was a struggle. But if Sarah rejected me, I didn’t know if I’d recover.
This was all such a mess.
I should’ve stuck to the rules and kept things purely physical, but I’d gone against that. Whilst I’d enjoyed seeing Sarah every day, I already knew that the consequences of doing so would be catastrophic.
‘There you are!’ Sarah’s voice sounded from behind me. I spun around and saw her jogging in my direction. ‘Thank God you hadn’t got to the other end of the beach. Not sure I could’ve run that far!’ She bent over, trying to catch her breath.
Warmth flooded my chest and a smile broke out on my face. This was what I loved about her. She was just so infectious. Even when I was feeling shitty, somehow, she made me happy without even trying.
‘I’m sorry,’ I said quickly as I walked towards her to save her running the last few steps. ‘I didn’t mean to snap at you.’
‘I know. Clearly, I touched a nerve. Maybe something from your past?’
Sarah didn’t say anything else. She just waited to see whether I’d confirm or deny her theory.
‘Let’s walk.’ I stretched out my hand. She took it straight away and the heat from her soft palm instantly made me feel better.
Now I understood why Theo and Jess held hands all the time.
Sarah and I hadn’t ‘gone public’, but it was probably obvious to anyone who knew us that we were more than colleagues.
It wasn’t that I was ashamed to be with her. Far from it. We’d just both agreed that the fewer people that knew, the easier it’d be when we ended things.
But right now, I didn’t give a toss about what other people thought.
Sarah and I walked in silence for a while and I was grateful that she hadn’t pressurised me to talk or asked questions. She was allowing me to do things at my own pace.
‘So.’ I blew out a breath, trying to summon the strength to spill my guts. ‘As you’ve probably guessed from my unfortunate outburst, weddings are triggering for me. Because…’ I paused again.Come on, Ben, you can do this. It’s Sarah. You can trust her. She won’t laugh or ridicule you.‘I… I was engaged before. I thought we were in love, but she left me. On our wedding day. At the altar.’
Sarah stopped dead in her tracks and her gasp was audible.
I didn’t want to look at her. I was too embarrassed, but I couldn’t help myself. I needed to see her eyes. That would tell me what she really thought about me.
When I cautiously lifted my gaze and I saw sadness and empathy, relief flooded every part of me. Sarah was the real deal.
‘Ben,’ she said softly. ‘I’m so sorry. That’s fucked up. Why do people do shit like that? Why couldn’t she have spoken to you before?’
‘Precisely.’
‘Did you have any inkling? Not that it excuses her actions.’
