Yet, I still couldn’t move.
I sat there, staring at him, drinking in the sight of him, if I was honest. Noticing every little line and tic in his face, the tiny smear of grime at his temple where he’d probably pushed his hair back with a dirty hand from dealing with the dragons.
There was no one on earth—barring Akhane—that I trusted more than Donavyn.
I needed to tell him that. But the words stuck in my throat.
“Bren,” he breathed. “Please. Forgive me.”
“I already have.”
“Then what’s wrong? Why did you stop yourself saying that you trust me?”
“Because it felt like a lie.”
His eyes closed and he rubbed his face with one, strong hand. “Bren, I never intended—”
“The thing I can’t stop asking myself is, what else will you hide if you convince yourself it’s for my own good?” I swallowed hard. “It seems to be a… a pattern with men. You tell yourselves that you’re doing something forus,when actually you do it for yourself.”
Donavyn went still, his eyes still locked on mine, and pinched with stress. “I am notmen.I’m your mate.” His voice was clipped. The words bitten off. In anger, or fear? I wasn’t sure. He didn’t move or react. But when I didn’t respond he took a deep breath. “Listen to me. I made a choice thatwasintended for your good. You were so deeply afraid of what I might do if I knew, you wereshaking,Bren. Do you realize that? That day, you were so on the edge. It was right and good that I protect you—”
“You asked me to tell you their names, and I said no. Because I didn’t want you going after them. I didn’t wantyouhurt or punished for somethinghedid.”
His gaze didn’t waver. “I asked because, I wantedyouto tell me. To trust me with that. And you didn’t.”
“Because I wasrightabout how you’d respond,” I said tightly.
He gave a single nod. “And that’s why I apologized, and ask you to forgive me. Because Ididhide that from you, and let you believe I didn’t know. But it wasn’t to betray you, Bren. Quite the opposite.” He leaned forward, gripping my knee in one hand, the other on the back of the couch. “I wanted to removeanythreat to you. Avenge you. They were monsters. And they deserved todie for it. In fact, that’s the only relief in these events, that they appear to have gotten what they deserve. I just wish it was atmyhand.”
I shuddered. “There isnothinggood for me in losing you because you get thrown in the dungeon for murder. Nothing good for this kingdom if the dragons punish you for taking personal revenge. It’s against our laws, Donavyn, and theirs.Youtold me that.”
“And I—”
“Ineedyou,” I blurted, cursing the blur that immediately appeared in my eyes.
“And I’m here,” he breathed.
Frustrated, I wiped my eyes with the back of his sweater sleeve and shook my head. “You won’t be. Not if you go after Ruin and those other bastards.”
“I will only ever protect you, Bren. You have my vow before God—”
I leaned closer to him and shook my head. “I want your vow before God that you’ll stay safe. Stay with me. Not lie to me about what your plans are. How can I trust you if I know you’ve hidden this from me?” The words came quickly now, tumbling over each other. “No matter why you did it, no matter who you were protecting, you still told me something untrue, and Ineverthought you were capable of it. I thought of everyone, I could trustyou.”
“Youcan.I was determined to handle this myself precisely to save you from the burden of it—and becauseIdidn’t trust our King to give it the attention it deserves. I’m sorry I lied. I won’t do it again. But please… don’t let those questions in your mind fester. You know me. You can sense me.” He placed a soft hand right at the center of my chest, and my skin prickled, even under the sweater, because I adored his touch. But the moment he’d flattened his palm between my breasts, his eyes grew darker.“You can feel me, Bren. Can’t you? Can’t you feel how I love you?”
Where he touched me, my skin heated in a flare, and the bond came alive. Blooming.
I swallowed back the pinch of more tears and nodded. “I do. And I love you too.”
“I know. I can feel it. Let’s not lose sight of that. There isso muchhappening right now. So many things that could harm us. I’m sorry I’m the reason you fear. But… Bren, I’m begging you: Don’t pull away. Let me protect you. I give you my word, I won’t lie again.”
I didn’t break his gaze, or pull away from his touch. “Tell me what you were going to do.”
His jaw tightened. “I planned to find a way to cast questions over the work they were doing. Those men were trusted with our deepest secrets. They should not have been, but none of us knew that. Once I knew your story, I couldn’t tell the king what they’d done to you. So, I was looking for a way to—” He broke off, grimacing and his fingers curled into my chest, his nails beginning to scrape, even through the sweater. “I wanted them dead. Each of them. Slowly, painfully, and preferably by my hand,” he muttered darkly, his eyes pained, but unflinching. “I wanted to see them afraid. Vulnerable. Let them feel even a taste of what you did. Especially Ruin.”
My heart flinched at that name, yet he didn’t hesitate.
“One of the benefits of my position is that those men each know I am apowerin their life. Someone who requires their submission. I would have… I would have used that.”
