SOUNDTRACK:Darkest Hourby Tommee Profitt
~ BREN ~
When Donavyn finally returned to the apartment, I was already there, waiting, curled up on the couch in the living room. I’d had to borrow one of his long, thickly knitted sweaters and a pair of his wool socks because I felt cold. I shouldn’t feel cold.
My heart beat too quickly even before he got there, but it leaped in my chest when the door opened. I instinctively looked up. Donavyn didn’t see me on the couch and started across the floor towards the bedroom door. During those few steps, his face was lined, haggard, and his lips turned down in a frown. But his shoulders were broad in his jacket, and he had that vital, graceful control of his body that never ceased to draw me and spark fire in my belly.
So, why did I feel myself flinching from it tonight?
Because he lied to me.
Then he saw me from the corner of his eye and drew up short.
“Oh, you’re… why aren’t you in bed? You have training tomorrow.”
“I can’t sleep.” My voice was hoarse, but I didn’t bother clearing my throat. I knew it would still rasp. I’d cried for an hour, and shudders kept crawling up and down my spine every time my mind turned to the memory of that man’s face—
I closed my eyes and turned my head to look out the window into the night sky over the Keep. I was so damn mad that I was thinking about those bastards at all.
Donavyn hesitated, then started towards me.
I should look at him. I should let him hold me. I should—
“Bren, I know the timing is for shit, but I have to tell you something.”
That little fire, trying desperately to burn behind my navel, snuffed out as I snapped my head up to look at him, fear crackling through me because it was obvious he had bad news.
“What is it?”
Donavyn cleared his throat. “I’m telling you this as your mate, not as your Commander. It’s not appropriate for me to share, but under the circumstances… Just, please, give me your word you won’t discuss this with anyone. Not even your brothers.”
I didn’t hesitate, though everything felt very surreal. “You have my word. You know I wouldn’t.”
Donavyn nodded. “Thank you. After meeting with the king and queen, and given today’s events and the conclusions they draw from that… The king is beginning the process to move us to Fyrehold. Your first mission.”
I took a breath. “That’s not bad news. Iwantto serve—”
“We’ll be flying in days, Bren. I can’t possibly equip you fully in such a short time. But I will be with you. I’ll keep you safe.I vow it. And we will fill every hour of the coming days with everything that could ready you.”
I nodded, “I know you will. I trust y—” I caught the words about to trip so naturally off my tongue, because something in the back of my head screamed.
Donavyn visibly flinched.
His eyes widened and locked on mine, desperation flitting across his features.
He took the last few steps to stand over where I’d curled up on the couch, my knees drawn under me. For a moment I thought he’d reach for me, but something flashed in his eyes, and instead he eased himself into the seat next to me, turning so he faced me, one ankle resting on his other knee. He stared at me grimly.
“Bren, I’m sorry. Truly. I had no intention to make you feel—”
“I know.”
“Youcantrust me. No one wants better for you than me.”
“I know that, too.” So why couldn’t I move across the couch? Crawl into his lap? Throw myself into his arms? It’s precisely what I had done every other night when we were reunited. What I’d done before he was called away to speak to the king.
I knew he hadn’t lied to hurt me.
I knew he loved me. I couldfeelit.
