Of course I was right.
They got the wrong memo. I’m not important. Never have been, never will be.
I almost find as much relief as I do in the disappointment that I don’t really matter.
A thought occurs to me, and I swallow hard, grounding myself to ask. "The Nexus is a key and a person, and you protect them, like you protect me in the human world?" I ask.
He nods slowly.
A snake of jealousy lashes through me with vicious heat.
When he is gone for days at a time, he is protecting someone else. Has he been haunting someone else’s bed when he’s not under mine?
I was wrong to ever entertain the idea that I’m special, important.
Shadow steps forward, his hand reaching out as if to touch me, but he stops short. "That's why they want you. Because they believe you have the answers they seek."
"I was drawn to you, Evie," he confesses, the shadows around him pulsing with the intensity of his words. "I should have kept my distance, maintained the boundary that my duty required. But I… could not resist."
I clench my fists, frustration and a bitter sense of worthlessness bubbling within me. "You should have! Because of me, you broke your covenant, and you've thrown off the balance between worlds. Put someone else you protect in danger. All for what? For a nobody. For me."
His eyes flash. "Evie." His voice is a warning.
My arms cross over my chest protectively. "Do you spend a lot of time with them? With the Nexus?" I can't help the edge of jealousy that creeps into my voice.
"As much as is allowed, without drawing undue attention," he replies, his voice even, cool.
My nostrils flare, betraying the emotions that roil within me.
I feel the sting of his words as if he's slapped me. I'm not the Nexus, just an accidental detour in his path. The guilt and jealousy twist inside me, a toxic concoction that threatens to spill over.
But it’s not nearly as heinous as the dark sludge washing over my soul at the thought Shadow spends time with someone else.
Does he treat them like he treats me?
Does he spend more time with them?
Of course he does, a voice inside me taunts.Whenever he’s not with you, he’s withthem.
Yet again, I’m more an unwanted nuisance than anything else. You think I’d be used to it by now, but I’ve reached a breaking point. My calm and control snaps like a brittle twig as all my self-loathing and resentments break over me in crashing waves.
"You should just let me die," I hiss, the words spilling out before I can stop them. "I'm the root of all this trouble. If I wasn't here, you could focus on what's truly important."
"No." The word is a growl, fierce and resolute. He steps closer and I can feel the heat of him, a paradox in the cold of the room. "I would not leave you to die."
"Why? Because of some misplaced sense of duty? Because I'm some… some pity project for you?" The heat in my words matches his, a fire meeting an inferno.
Shadow's presence looms, the air charged with an energy that's almost electric. "Not pity, Evie. Because I—" He cuts off, his mouth setting into a hard line.
I step forward, my own anger rising to meet his. "Because you what? Care for me? Because you can't stand the thought of failing at yet another duty?"
He's silent for a moment, then, "Yes, I care," he says quietly. "More than I should. More than I ever thought possible."
The admission rocks me, a punch to the gut that leaves me breathless. And yet, I can't let go of the anger, the self-loathing. "I'm not worth it, Shadow. I'm nothing. I'm not the Nexus. Go to them, keep them safe. Leave me to my fate."
Shadow moves, a blur of darkness, and suddenly he's right in front of me, his hand gripping my arm, his face so close to mine that I can feel his breath. "I cannot leave you," he says, and there's a fierceness in his voice that sends a shiver down my spine. "Even if you despise me for it. Even if it goes against everylast covenant etched in blood stone. Even if it goes against my own common sense."
It’s the last one that drives the knife in deeper with a twist.
