The proximity, the tension, it's too much. I want to shove him away, but at the same time, I want to yank him closer. It's a battle within me, one that mirrors our argument, our entire relationship.
"You shouldn't care," I whisper, my voice trembling. "I'm just going to get you killed, or worse. I'm a curse, Shadow. Can't you see that?"
Shadow's grip tightens, his gaze penetrating. "You matter," he says fiercely. "You burn too bright to be swallowed whole. It’s that light that keeps bringing me back to you. A fire I can’t resist touching though I know I shouldn’t."
I step back, letting out a scoff. He deludes himself thinking I’m the heaven to his hell. We are both made of the same stuff, a myriad of horrors stitched together. "You’re only attracted to me because I am a black hole and you are a monster."
I need to make us smaller. I need to make this whole situation smaller, unimportant.
"Evie." Another warning. I’m pushing him too hard.
My chin lifts. "Like I said, the world would be better off if I was dead." Then I command in a dark whisper, looking up at him through my lashes. "You should kill me."
With that, a smoky tendril snaps out. It twines around my neck with tight insistence. My hands fly to pull it away on instinct, but my hands cannot grasp him the way he does me. They phase through his shadow tendril though it still grips me somehow. My nails claw into my own throat instead as my heels lift off the ground.
"You think you can push me away? You think you can treat yourself like everyone else has. Unimportant, insignificant, disposable. But I won’t allow that."
"What are you going to do?" The words come out in a half-choked hiss.
He can’t hurt me. Not as much as I can. All my thoughts have turned around on me like red-hot pokers, jabbing me mercilessly until I can’t stand my own existence another fucking solitary second.
You’re worthless.
Waste of space.
No one wants you.
You’re a dirty slut.
"Is this what you want?" His words are as cold as the fire in his eyes. "Does this make you feel alive? Do you want me to be the one to take away your pain? Or is it just another way for you to punish yourself?"
The pressure increases, cutting off my oxygen supply and causing my vision to blur and darken. The world around me narrows into a small tunnel as my panic and excitement rise in upward shooting streaks.
"I will punish you as much as I must," he growls out. "Until you understand that no one is allowed to hurt you. Not even yourself."
The tendril squeezes tighter, constricting me until all breath is gone and every vicious thought fades away into darkness.
In that darkness, I find relief. Relief from myself, from the world, from the thoughts and feelings that plague me.
"You were right, Evie." His voice is a caress now. "You are a monster, like me."
My mouth opens like a guppy’s as I twitch, a flood of endorphins invading my body. Darkness plays at the edge of my vision.
"That feeling, that edge of oblivion," he continues, hypnotizing me. "That’s where you live."
Warmth coils in my lower belly as arousal rises in me. Because I’m being held, touched by my monster? My brain is too fuzzy, too blissfully blank to make sense of my body’s reactions.
"Make it hurt." I fight to get the words out.
If he sees me as a monster, if he treats me like one, maybe I'll finally belong to his world.
He chuckles darkly, but the sound is strained, almost broken. He hates how much he craves this part of me. He hates that he understands.
A whimper escapes me as the heat behind my belly button starts to sear and ache with need.
Shadow draws closer, his tentacle keeping me in place. Until he is inches away.
I don’t know how I haven’t passed out yet, but I force my eyes to stay open so I can focus on him.
