“Ugh. Fuck feelings.”
“Exactly. I’m just angry that I’ve been treated differently by everyone because I’m skinnier now. I feel like exactly the same person I was, just with more resources. It’s absolute bullshit.” It’s true. I’ve been fat, I’ve been thin, and I’ve been in between, but nothing changes about me except for how people approach me. “But by the same token, there’s a tiny part of me that wants to be seen as hot in front of the people who were cruel to me.”
Gwen smiles at me. “Your accent gets thicker the closer we get to your home. Wild.”
I flip her off.
“You’re just human, babe, like the rest of us,” she says. “I’m so sorry you had to deal with assholes. For the record, though, even if you looked exactly the same now as you did then, you still deserve to be treated with the same dignity and respect. And you’re hot no matter what size you are.”
“Ah.” To my horror, I blink away tears. “Thank you for that.”
We eventually pass my old home, and I don’t say anything, though I do crane my neck a little to look at it. The siding isn’t dirty, since my mother makes sure to keep it at least looking somewhat clean, but it droops in places and features a few large cracks. A large rise extends behind it, making it appear as though it’s built into the side of the hill. The battered wood framing the windows looks like it might not hold up against the next round of winter weather. A wooden ramp for my brother runs parallel to the house and then angles in to the meet the front door, even though he can make it up the stairs and sometimes kicks up a fuss about not needing the accommodation.
Blaine and I have offered our mother money, but she’s too proud to take it. She worked two jobs at times when we were younger, as a gas station clerk and a cashier at the local grocery store to feed and clothe us. She had some health problems ofher own, though, and after Blaine’s accident she had to take him to various appointments that took her away from her job. We pieced things together with food stamps, hand-me-down clothes, and my dad’s occasional offerings.
I whip my head around again to watch the road. My mother’s visiting her sister in Pikeville, and luckily Blaine’s house is much nicer.
I pluck my dress away from my chest as we exit the car. It’s so hot it feels like a film covers the air, and the trees stand still in protest against the wrath of the humidity. A dip in a pool sounds heavenly.
“How is it still hotter than Satan’s asshole outside? It’s going to be September soon.” I approach the front door and Gwen follows. “I was promised fall by the shopping gods. I’ve already got a new pair of boots.”
A cracked piece of siding stands out next to Blaine and Gloria’s front window, and the gutter bends just a little, but Blaine, like me, has done well for himself after our upbringing. He got some grants and scholarships after his injury, and Gloria works as a teacher. We both have more than we could have dreamed of as children.
My brother has his cane in one hand when he answers the door. He’s a big dude with a trimmed beard under his wide smile. He greets me with a hug, then shakes Gwen’s hand. He’s met her several times, and they exchange pleasantries.
We make our way through the living room and into the cramped kitchen. Blaine takes a seat in one of his wheelchairs, the one made for basketball that has cambered wheels and Kentucky Wildcat decals. He plays in a league in Lexington.
Gloria, Blaine’s wife, strolls into the kitchen as she’s sweeping her dark hair up into a loose ponytail. She’s tiny compared to my own five-foot-ten frame, with compact features and skinny limbs. She throws her arms around me, and to myamusement, does the same thing with Gwen, who responds with more enthusiasm than I would expect.
Blaine has prepared a lasagna for the occasion. We gather around the wooden kitchen table to eat. The scent of garlic reaches my nose as I scoot in.
“So, how’s the setup going at work?” Gloria turns to me. “You like being in two different settings?”
I love it,” I say. “I never get bored. And I feel like it’s good for me.” I wrinkle my nose. “There’s a resident doing a new rotation there, though. You guys would know him. Someone from here.”
The table quiets.
“Well don’t leave us hanging,” Blaine says. “Who is it?”
“Grant Wyndham.” My voice comes out sounding small. I clear my throat. “You remember him, right?”
“Wait.” Blaine’s fork hangs in midair. “You’re working with Grant Wyndham?”
“Yes.” My cheeks warm.
“He’s a fucking doctor now?” Blaine sets his fork down.
“You worried about me, big brother?”
“I hated that guy,” he mutters, “and everything he did to you. So yes, I guess I am.”
“I can handle him. I’ve got a lot of pent-up anger to release. Seems like he’s as good a target as any.”
Gwen clears her throat. “We’ve also decided to murder him if he’s mean to her. That’s worst-case scenario, but still. It’s an option.”
Gloria giggles.
“I appreciate the support from everyone.” I rub my hands along my thighs. “But once he’s done in three months, I can just move on. I do really like this job. And it’s a break from how traumatic labor and delivery can be.”
