His brow creases. I walk toward the office, and he follows me.
“You think I would be mean to a terrified lady I’m supposed to be caring for?”
I spin around. My shoulders stiffen. “I wouldn’t put it past you.”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
I roll my eyes and turn around again, ignoring his sputtered protests. I’m going to have to tell him soon. I don’t want that conversation, not when I know it’s going to be worse than passing kidney stones.
Iambeing ridiculous. I realize that. Aside from his threat to interfere with my med school interview, he’s given me no indication he’s the same person he used to be. I should be able to bring this up with him. Maybe I’ll feel relieved, having this out in the open. Maybe he’ll be contrite. I at least have to give him that opportunity.
“Look,” he says, but I don’t face him, “I can’t do whatever this is anymore. If you continue to behave like this, I’ll have to talk to Dr. Planck again. I don’t want to, but I will.”
I drop my head into my hands. Here we are again. I failed at faking niceness, and this is what I get.
“All right,” I say, pulling my shoulders back to look at him. “I’ll do better now. I promise.”
And I’ll talk to him. As soon as I get back from home this weekend, we’ll have an important conversation.
7
KENDALL
I notice the pull as we get closer to my hometown. The terrain changes, moving from rolling hills to higher mountain peaks and lower valleys, and my chest tightens.
I give the place too much power. It has shaped me, yes, but it doesn’t rule me.
“Am I going to be, like, okay here?” Gwen frowns at me from the passenger seat as I breathe through my oncoming anxiety. “I know these rural areas aren’t as, uh, friendly to the bisexual community.”
I prod the inside of my cheek with my tongue, thinking. “In terms of my brother and his wife? They’ll love you.” I pause again. “It’s not like being in the city, not like Louisville, I’ll give you that.”
I think of Grant as I turn off onto the exit that will take me toward Blaine’s house. Grant came from here, and he doesn’t seem to be bigoted. It’s the one good thing I can say about him now. He even wears one of those rainbow badges on his nametag, the ones the hospital gives out for providers who want to demonstrate they’re safe.
“It’s better now than it was when I was a kid. And maybedifferent than people think. I don’t think they will, but if anyone looks at you sideways at this reunion, I’ll beat them up.”
“Aw. You’d do that for me?”
“Absolutely. I love you, and I would do anything for you.” I slow to accommodate the curvier road. “Just like you’d run over Grant with your car if I asked.”
Gwen cocks her head. “You know what? I think I would.” She sighs. “But thanks for offering. Sometimes I feel like I love this state more than it loves me back.”
“Oof.” I slide a glance at Gwen as I take another curve. The mountains rise around us like tree-covered sentinels, the cloudless blue sky at their backs. “You want to go back to Louisville? I’ll turn around right now.”
“It’s okay,” she says. “I trust you.”
“I know what you mean, though. And I’m sorry. I know what it is to love and hate a place at the same time. You can love it for what it gives you and be angry at its shortcomings all the same.”
Gwen gives me a once-over. “You do kinda look like my trophy wife.”
I laugh. I’m wearing a hot pink dress with a little dip in the front, showcasing some of my curves. Gwen has on black pants and a loose, short-sleeved blouse.
“I’ve got mixed feelings about showing up like this,” I say. “Like, this isn’t some revenge body bullshit. If I had the money, I would have worn this kind of stuff back then too.”
“It doesn’t have to be. You look fabulous in it now, and I’m sure you would have been fabulous in it then.”
The road straightens, and I speed up again. We’re about twenty minutes from Blaine’s house, where we plan to stay, given it’s almost three and a half hours back to Louisville. We pass a man on the side of the road who’s taking a nap on a mattress in the back of a truck bed, and Gwen’s eyes widen.
“Can I just talk through this, though? I’ve got some complicatedstuff going on. And you know how I hate having feelings,” I say.
