I’m utterly consumed with guilt. This decision doesn’t feel good, not in the slightest. In fact, I’m sick over it. Ihatemyself for being such a coward. But I’m weak… And afraid.
I can’t wrap my head around how it felt to be close to him. To hold every sensation of his proximity in my hands,finally, for real. There’s seriously nothing like it.
I want so much from him…Everything, in fact.
But I can’t have it. It’s not mine to take.
He can’t be mine, no matter how badly I want him to be.
So I’ll settle for buying him gifts and delivering them through Joy. Hopefully, this will keep him from falling prey to the Alabaster Pen commissary system. The predators will descend… It’s just a fact. But I’ll leave my faith in Joy protecting him as best she can.
Am I confident in this move? Absolutely not.
But I have to go.
Back home, back to Nikki.
I’m going to give my marriage a real chance. Fix things and… start a family.
I’m nauseous down to my soul, but I ignore it, like I’m used to.
I’m good at this, after all. Running and hiding. It’s what I do.
I was just scared before, and it led me to become swept up in something illicit. The criminal with the pouty mouth and darkness in his hazel eyes.
It’s not real. It never was.
So I have to go…Before I talk myself out of it.
Before I truly reason that I’m making the biggest mistake of my life—and I’ve made a lot.
Still, this one feels worse than the most painful moments I’ve experienced.
In the mansion, I pack up my things as quickly as I can, fearing that any minute, one of The Ivory’s men will swing around the corner and shoot me between the eyes. Make no mistake, I’m fully aware that this is dangerous. Nobody quits of their own accord.
But hey… There’s a first time for everything.
Stuffing the last of my clothes into a bag, I look up to find Velle standing at the entrance of my room. Arms folded over his wide chest.
“So… that’s it?” He says, blank face, deep blue eyes, only a shade or two lighter than mine, glistening something unreadable.
That’s what The Ivory said…
I truly hope that Velle doesn’t fall victim to Manuel Blanco. But I know it’s deeper than that.I should tell him he deserves to be happy.
But how can I say that when I don’t even believe it for myself?
Standing up, I sling my bag over my shoulder, stalking past him. On my way out, I slap a hand down on his shoulder and mutter, “Try not to be too big of an asshole, asshole.”
The last thing I hear is him chuckling.
I have no idea how I’m going to get out of here. It’s not like the Warden will just let me take his jet, or his helicopter, or even his boat. My best bet would be to sneak onto one of the ferries that’s about to leave and just pray no one stops me with a knife across my throat.
Hustling through the woods, I come up to the dock. One of the ferries is there, but there’s no one around. The sun is setting, and I’m getting nervous.
I have to get out of here.
My eyes shift, and I spot the speedboat Velle keeps at the small dock. I bite my lip, considering it. But a voice inside tells me not to.
