Velle might need it. And I don’t want to fuck him over.
We might not pals, but deep down, he’s a good man. Better than me… Because he stays and fights. Endures.
Breathing out a sigh, I look to the other end of the island, at the prison, visible just over the trees. I swallow, rubbing my eyes hard.
Fuck me, what am I doing??
This isn’t right. It’s not… what I want.
Casting one last glance at the ferry, I turn into the woods. It makes no sense at all, and I have no fuckingcluewhat I’m doing. But my legs are carrying me back to Alabaster Penitentiary.
It takes less than twenty minutes to get there. I enter through the west entrance, using the code I’m not supposed to know. I wait until lights out in the cellblocks. And then I creep, slowly, over to the cell at the very end of row C.
Uncertainty swims as I peer inside. They’re both in bed. 35 is clearly asleep, snoring already. But not Dash.
He’s tossing and turning. Uncomfortable, and I get it. It’s his first night in prison… It’ll take him more than a couple of hours to acclimate.
Exhaling slowly, I take a seat on the floor, not giving a single fuck who sees. The control room guards could tell The Ivory—I’m sure he’ll see this himself at some point. But I just… don’t care.
Ican’tleave without saying… goodbye.
Eventually, Dash stops moving. He curls up in his bed and appears to be dozing, at least a little.
“This is how it could be, I guess…” I whisper. “Me out here. You… in there.” I swallow hard, hating myself and my words. “Us, just close enough to be real… If I wasn’t such a coward.”
I sit on the dirty floor, in the dark, and watch him sleep.
“I’m sorry, Dash. I really am,” I tell him, pressure building asfinallyI speak the truth. For the first and last time. “I wish I didn’t have to leave, you know? I wish we were somewhere else. Somewhere…betterthan this.”
Closing my eyes, I see it. Me and him, together in a beautiful place. Somewhere colorful and warm. Lounging by the beach, soft sounds of the ocean lulling us.
I think back to that travel brochure I found in the break room…
“If things were different, I would stay…” My voice cracks and I sniffle, blinking back tears. “I want you to know that in another life you would be mine, baby. And we could… run away.Together.”
Dropping my chin, I shake my head. “But this is black and white… you know?”
After a few more minutes of sitting and wallowing, I wipe my eyes and stand up. Heavy once more. Remembering how light I was for those blissful seconds when he was beneath my fingertips.
“Just know that I’m with you, Dascha. I’m still with you.” I press my forehead to the bars, listening to the sounds of him sleeping. Of him…humming. “Even if it’s not real… We’retogether, okay? Just… imagine me, baby. I promise, I’ll imagine you.”
I leave, broken. Jaded, cold and empty.
Drained of all color, forever.
I walk back to the dock and get onto a ferry. And to my surprise, no one stops me.
He’s allowing me to leave right now, and I have to wonder why?
What does he know… that I don’t?
As the boat cruises over the open ocean, I stand on the outside deck, with the salty air on my face. Humming a song that seems to be suddenly stuck in my head…
A song about crimson and clover.
For a while, I wasn’t sure it would happen.
It certainly took long enough to get the approval.
