So I prayed. The same as I did leading up to Alessio’s confessional visits. Any ache I felt was filed away in the box in which I kept all the things from my previous life that didn’t fit into my life now.
But lately there had been no structure. There had been weddings and charity events, and out-of-the-blue drunken confessions…and a kiss that had shattered the careful distance we’d kept between us.
Seeing him with Marco, a teenager that reminded me so much of the rebellious Alessio I’d once known, had stirred upmemories of the boy I loved. The way he used his sarcasm to connect and break down defenses. The way he listened, really listened, and made anyone he was with feel like their words mattered. Thattheymattered. Memories flashed one after the other, so many moments that had shaped who I was before tragedy struck.
Back then, there’d been so much laughter. Late nights sneaking out of our houses to see each other. Trips to Coney Island or into the city. A relaxed ease of being with my best friend, followed by the rush of butterflies when I realized it was something more.
Alessio’s mouth…the one that never hesitated to take something he wanted.
Well, that hadn’t changed, had it?
Only when we were young, kissing him back hadn’t broken any vows.
By the time I reached my rectory after the community event, my hands were shaking. I’d told myself I could manage this, had pleaded with and made promises to God that my slip wouldn’t happen again. I could love Alessio as a friend and be there for him, nothing more. He would move on eventually as long as I made it clear where I stood, and that was firmly on the other side of the confessional—notin his arms.
I paced the length of my room and whispered prayers, but it felt like, once again, God wasn’t hearing me. Lately it’d been a struggle to get an answer from Him at all, but I would keep the faith. God’s timing was perfect, and my impatience to settle the unease within me was only human becauseIwas only human. It made me feel weak to know I could succumb to temptation so easily.
I ran my hand over my jaw as I reached the lone window in the rectory and paused.
Alessio’s place looked out over mine. That had to be a coincidence…didn’t it?
Reaching for the curtain to open it, I noticed my fingers still trembling and pulled my hand back.
No. I needed to find balance and solid ground again. And the only way I knew how to do that was to end this, once and for all.
ALESSIO’S BUILDING WASN’T as extravagant as the ones I knew some of the other Kings enjoyed, but it was light-years beyond what we’d known as kids—a whispered sort of luxury in a secure building that was so quiet you’d never know Manhattan’s noisy streets were on the other side of the wall.
I’d been let up to his floor after checking in with security, half of me surprised at that, since I could’ve easily been turned away.
My heart pounded as I stepped off the elevator and walked down the hall to the apartment number they’d given me. With every step I took, I felt the heavy weight of my decision bearing down on my shoulders, and it had sweat beading my brow.
I stopped in front of his door and swallowed hard. This was it. I was about to cut ties with the man I never thought I’d truly lose, but there could be no other way. He needed to live his life without the hope he said I gave to him from being there, and my duties and vows came first.
Closing my eyes, I said a silent prayer, and when I opened them again, I raised my hand to knock?—
The door swung open.
Alessio stood there barefoot in jeans and a white t-shirt, the jacket he’d worn earlier already gone and his long, dark hair loose and wild, like he’d been running his hands through it too many times. There was a wary look in his eyes, and it matched his voice when he said, “What are you doing here?”
The bite of anger wasn’t there like it was at the community center, and it threw me off balance. I’d expected him to be immediately on the defensive when I showed up here. Instead he seemed…vulnerable, somehow.
Do what you came here to do.
I took in a deep breath. “I told you we need to talk.”
“How did you find me?”
“Lucien told me to look up.”
Alessio startled, clearly having not expected his own brother to give him away. I caught a flush of red creep up his neck as he stepped aside, letting me in.
For some reason it hadn’t occurred to me until now that I would be willingly walking into a place where I was surrounded by everything that made Alessiohim—but as I walked inside, I found that wasn’t the case at all.
His space was beautiful and large, sure, but more minimalist than I would’ve expected. Sleek lines, not much on the walls at all, and only tech gadgets to keep him company. His old bedroom had been filled with similar gadgets, but it had been warm, lived in, posters and artwork littering all four walls. Fun and comfortable, same as the man himself.
Clearly things had changed.
Alessio cleared his throat and I turned around, and the second our eyes connected, I felt the charge between us. It was even stronger now, without the confinement of church walls or other people around.
