“What? Tell the truth?”
“Talk about that here.”
“Right, wouldn’t want God to hear.” My eyes swept over the parishioners filling the room. “Or is it all ofthemyou’re worried about?”
“I’m not doing this. Not here. I wanted to thank you for taking the time with Marco. I’ve done that.”
“You have. So go on now, run away.”
Rafael’s jaw clenched, as if he were biting back a response. Then he turned and headed back into the crowd.
Fuck.
Fuck. Fuck.Fuck.
I needed a goddamn drink.
A high-pitched whistle came from behind me, and I whirled around to see Lachlan grimacing in my direction. “Yikes, that looked awkward.”
“Go away, Lachlan.”
But there was no way he was going to listen to that request. Seconds later, he came to stand next to me and look out at the sea of people, Rafael included.
“He read you the riot act.I’m not doing this. Not here. Interesting, considering he hasn’t taken his eyes off you all day, and he was the one to come over to you.” He crossed his arms. “What was he talking about? Not doing this?”
“Nothing,” I said, my immediate answer when it came to Rafael always right there on the tip of my tongue.
“Sure sounded like something to me,” Lachlan said. “In fact, I think I heard the wordkissin there somewhere.”
“You didn’t hear shit.”
“Pretty sure I did.”
“Pretty sure you fucking didn’t.”
“Okay, so maybe I didn’t.” Lachlan shrugged. “But if Idid, must’ve been good. Since he can’t stop looking at you.”
“He wasn’t looking at me.”
“Yes, he was. He always does. Just like you watch him. I notice these things. Security, remember? And you know who else is watching?”
I glared so hard at the side of Lachlan’s head that it was shocking he didn’t grip it from pain.
“God, my friend.Godis watching the both of you. So why you trying to pull one over on Him?”
“You know what?” I said, turning my back on the crowd. “I need a drink. You can either come with or fuck off.”
“Hey now, no need to be like that. But if I do come with, will you tell me more about kissing a priest?”
“Fuck you,” I said, heading to the west side of the church to say goodbye to Marco.
“I’m going to take that as a yes. You buying?”
13
RAFAEL
IT USED TO be simple. Once a month Alessio would appear with his brothers, a fixed date on my calendar that I could prepare for. Even when he never said a word, even when he would rarely look my way, he was still there, in my space. It wasn’t ever easy, but I’d learned to endure it, because the alternative was not having him in my life at all, and experiencing that had only shown me it was a far worse path. Choosing priesthood didn’t automatically turn off all the years spent by Alessio’s side. There were days and even months early on in university and then seminary that I wished I could flip the switch, because the pain was almost unbearable.
