Again and again, Joshua sucked in short, shuddering breaths. His face pressed to Colin’s throat, and he whimpered as his tongue lapped at the sweat-damp skin. “God, Colin,” he breathed out. “My god, that was…”
“Yeah. I know.”
After many minutes, their hearts slowed to a steady rhythm, and though Colin’s arms and legs relaxed their iron grip, he still held Joshua close in his arms.
“Do you have a name for that book we’re going to write?” Joshua whispered, his fingers carding through Colin’s sweat-drenched hair.
“How aboutThe Perfect Fuck: A Love Storyby Colin Campbell-Abrams.”
“Sucha romantic!” Joshua teased, laughing.
Colin kissed him, then caressed his cheek. “How aboutEternal Embrace: The Story of Our Love?”
“I like it,” Joshua sighed. He snuggled against Colin’s body, then turned his head to kiss the long slope of his husband’s throat. “How about chapters? Do you have names for the chapters?”
“Chapter one is called ‘Hope,’” Colin told him. “Because that’s how I see our early months. We both hoped we couldsomehow salvage a relationship from the ruined dregs of our past.”
Joshua breathed out a laugh and nuzzled Colin’s cheek. “My darling, thelastthing I had during our early months washope. I never dreamt you’d be open to a relationship, especially with me.”
“You’re the only person Iwanteda relationship with,” Colin told him. “I’ve told you before: I wasn’t afraid of falling in love with you. I knew I was in love with you from the moment we met. I was afraid of you loving me!” He touched Joshua’s cheek. “What would you call our first chapter?”
Joshua drew a long breath. He eased himself upright and stretched out next to Colin, who turned onto his side to face him.
“I would have called it ‘Despair,’” Joshua said, touching his cheek. “Because that’s what I felt most during those first months: despair.”
“God, Josh, that’s awful. I feel terrible that I made you feel that way.”
“You didn’tmakeme feel that way! You were honest with me from day one! I knew you wouldn’t be involved in a romantic relationship. You said so repeatedly. I could have backed away. But,” he smiled and shrugged, “Ichoseto stay.” He bent and pressed a kiss to Colin’s lips. “Because Iknew… from the moment I met you, I knew with my whole heart that being with you was worth any heartbreak I might eventually suffer.”
Colin bowed his head, but Joshua touched his cheek and lifted it until their eyes met again. “With mywholeheart, Colin.”
“Babe… honest to god…”
“And it was, Colin. It was worth every single second of pain.”
“I’m not sure how it could have been,” Colin muttered. He scowled, staring at the bed, refusing to meet Joshua’s eyes. “Despair, Josh?”
“We both had a lot to work out back then, and we both struggled to understand our relationship’s place in our life. But when we were together, Colin? My god, it was glorious! The joy I felt in those moments when it was just you and me made up for everything else.” He carded his fingers through Colin’s unruly hair. “You made it worth it.”
“All that great sex, huh,” Colin chuckled, nuzzling against Joshua’s cheek.
“It wasn’t the sex, and you know it.”
“The sex wasn’t great?”
“Oh, stop it! The sex was andisamazing. But if that’s all we’d had between us, you never would have stuck around. You would have dumped me like you dumped all the other guys you…” he made fake quotation marks in the air, “…dated.”
Colin threw back his head and laughed. “Dated! Nowthat’sfunny!”
“What’s the second chapter called?”
Colin pressed his lips together and paused as if thinking. “I think I’d call it ‘Intimacy.’” He trailed his fingers up and down Joshua’s bare arm. “What would you call it?”
“No. ‘Intimacy’ is good.”
“You know what I hear when I hear that word?”
“Intimacy?”
