“And I love it,” I admitted, the words tasting like betrayal. “I love that she’s mean. That she teases me. That she tries to get a rise out of me and always succeeds. I spend half my time furiouswith her and the other half thinking about what she’s going to say next.”
Will leaned back slowly, looking at me like I had brain damage. “If you kissed her, you’ve been thinking about more than just what she’s going to say next.”
I shot him a look that said very clearly to fuck off, but then I remembered I was in his house. Uninvited. I’d come here to talk to him. Obviously, he was going to have questions.
“Yeah,” I said finally on a groan that turned into a sigh. “Okay, yes. I have. Are you happy now? I’ve been thinking about all sorts of shit I shouldn’t be thinking, and then I kissed her. She’s my fiancée, for God’s sake, but when I did it, I wasn’t thinking about Emma and I should’ve been. I fucking cheated on her, Will. I cheated on an internet love, and after five years, I haven’t even told her that I’m getting married soon. It just feels like my brain is broken.”
He stared at me for a long beat. “Would you like a ride to the psychiatric hospital or are you planning to take an Uber?”
“Wow.” I scoffed. “I tell you everything. Things I’ve never told anyone, and that’s your response?”
He shrugged. “I’m serious.”
“I regret coming here,” I muttered, pushing to my feet.
“Sit down,” he said calmly, holding my gaze before widening his eyes at me. “Seriously, man. Just sit the hell down. You’re not going anywhere.”
“I am if you’re not going to help me.”
“Help you,” he echoed incredulously. “I’m not sure how to do that, Nate. Just tell me what happened tonight, okay? Maybe that’s a good place to start.”
I broke it down for him, explaining that we were going to meet and everything that had happened from then on, and he frowned at me when I was done. “Have you ever seen Emma’s face?”
I slowly sat back down, the question like an ice cube trailing down my spine. “No.”
“Photos? Video calls? A grainy reflection of her in a spoon while you were having phone sex?”
“No. It’s not like that, and why the hell would you need a spoon for phone sex?”
He winked at me. “When you’re having ice cream during, but wait. If it’s not like that…” He trailed off, then swiped his tongue across his lips and looked at me like he was sure I was an alien. “If you’re so concerned about justkissingKate and it’s been five years, that means…” He trailed off again. “Five years. Jesus. Fuck. I’d be cranky too. It’s no wonder, but a lot of things are suddenly making sense to me.”
“Will.”
“What?” His eyebrows lifted. “That wasn’t important? Not what she looked like or any kind of physicalanything? She’s never even sent you a single naughty picture to?—”
“No,” I said defensively. “That wasn’t what it was about.”
“Uh-huh.” He leaned back, crossing one ankle over his knee. “So how do you know you’re not being catfished by a middle-aged man from the Midwest named Gary who collects model trains?”
“We’ve spoken on the phone,” I argued. “I’ve heard her voice.”
Even as I said it though, Kate’s laugh cracked through my brain, the cackling witch sound she made when she was making fun of me. It was so vivid in my head that I almost flinched. Will, obviously, noticed.
“You look nauseated,” he said.
“I’m fine.”
He snorted. “You’re not fine.”
“She’s real,” I insisted, leaning back on the couch and crossing my arms. “I trust her.”
“Do you? Or did you have your little spy look into her?”
I scoffed. “I don’t have a spy.”
He rolled his eyes. “Your hacker. Whatever you call him. Or her. Have you asked the person who occasionally gets information for us to look into this Emma of yours?”
“Absolutely not. That would’ve been a massive violation of trust.”
