My father registers no reaction whatsoever, but his anxious swallow tells me he's hearing me. Moments pass while I try to get ahold of myself.
"Aurora, you must be mistaken. Robin Forbes is a good man. He loves you. He could be with any girl he chooses, why would he have to force anyone to do anything? Do you understand how serious an accusation like that is?" His voice is calm, his tone accusatory, but not toward Robin, toward me.
"Yes, of course I know how serious it is!"
"When did this happen?"
"The first time-"
"The first time?!How many times are you sayin' therewere?!" Now my father's emotions are getting ahold of him and I'm grateful. He's finally understanding what's happened.
"A few... six... maybe more," I whisper.
My father calms again, he looks pensively out the window for a full minute before replying. "So you mean to tell me, that Robin Forbesrapedyou - because that is what you're accusing him of, Aurora,rape- and you told no one, and not only did you tell no one, but you continued to go back formore?" His voice is deathly calm and I can't speak.
My God, he's right, I allowed Robin to get away with this for months. It's all my fault. Maybe not the first time, but every time after that. I'm completely responsible. "Yes," I breathe.
My father shakes his head. He looks disgusted. "Aurora, you're confused. There's obviously been a misunderstanding. Robin is your boyfriend. He's eighteen, and you're practically an adult, too. If you didn't want to be intimate with him, then you obviously didn't communicate that by spending all of your time dating him. Not to mention the way you've been dressing. What's a man supposed to think when his girlfriend prances around him in those short skirts like you do? He would never do that to you if he didn't think you wanted to do it, too. Robin loves you."
My heart sinks as I realize it's me, not Robin, that my father is disgusted with. My tenuous resolve is slipping. He doesn't believe me. And even if he did, like he said, it's my own fault. And he's not wrong. What messagewasI sending by wearing the dresses Robin liked? By going back to him every time he hurt me.
"I told him no. I begged him to stop," I murmur, but even I can recognize the sound of my own defeat.
My father sits back in his executive desk chair. He literally looks down his nose at me. "I'm disappointed in you, Aurora. You can't run around throwin' about these kinds of allegations. Do you understand what could have happened if you'd said these things to someone who didn't know Robbie? Who hasn't had some opportunity to observe your relationship? Who knows how much Rob loves you?God, Aurora, he'd lose his scholarship! His career would be over! He could even go to jail! How could you be so irresponsible?
"You are lucky that Robin chose you. Don't you dare forget that for a moment. You may think you're hot shit here in Linton, but you're still just a small town girl. You're a dime a dozen over at UFL and even more common out in the real world. Robin is goin' to play pro ball. Do you understand that? He wants tomarryyou! Don't you dare fuck that up. Do you understand me, young lady?"
I don't know what to say. I'm not sure if I could speak even if I did. I don't think my father has ever cursed at me before.
Any glimmer of hope I had earlier has been good and vanquished. I'm not even crying anymore, I'm just numb.
My mother comes by to say goodbye before she heads to the office; she's been preoccupied lately with an underprivileged client. She kind of always is, but I don't blame her. Her clients really need her.
She asks if everything's okay. I don't know if she's noted my mood or if she just knows how rare an occurrence a conversation between my father and me is these days, but my father just waves her off and she leaves. He's still glaring at me and I'm still sitting frozen in my chair when the doorbell rings several minutes later.
My father gets up to answer the door, but I don't move.
Vaguely I become aware of Robin's voice. My father greets him and they're shooting the breeze when they walk into the study. Robin is here to retrieve me, and I'm sure I've made us late for school by not waiting outside on the porch like I usually do.
Robin takes my hand and I rise from the chair, and like I'm on autopilot, I walk with him toward my front door.
"So, you and my Sleepin' Beauty are headin' out to Gainesville this weekend?" my father asks Robin, who is a little surprised.
"Um, yes, sir. If that's alright with you. Rory said you wouldn't like it, but I'd love to show her around campus," Robin drawls, the perfect gentleman.
"Of course. I was just tellin' her what a wonderful idea I think it is. She's lookin' forward to it," he replies.
My father shakes Robin's hand and shoots me a look of warning before he returns to his study and Robin leads me to his car. I know what my father's look meant. He wants me to know I'm not to repeat what I've told him to anyone else. He'd already made himself clear.
SIXTEEN
P R E S E N T D A Y
WITH LILY’S INTERVENTION,, Chelsea was blamed for the entire fight, and I got nothing more than one afternoon of detention, which is the school's policy for anyone involved in a physical altercation, regardless of who instigated the conflict. I served it Wednesday after school, and since my mother was mostly just worried about me, I really got in very little trouble. When my NYU acceptance letter came that same afternoon, all else was forgotten and my mom and I went out for sushi to celebrate. She's proud, and honestly I'm just happy to give her pride when I've given her nothing but pain and regret for the past year.
I'm really feeling good - at least for me - for the first time in way too long, and I try to convince myself that the fact that Sam is going to be at Columbia next year - just uptown from NYU's campus - has nothing to do with my improved mood.
With spring break starting midweek, most are treating the three school days we have left as lame duck days, starting break this weekend instead, at least in spirit. It's Friday night and Andrew's is packed. Some kids who graduated last year are home from college, and apparently reliving their high school days, or reconnecting with their slightly younger friends.
