I've just barely begun to feel somewhat comfortable around the usual crowd - the people I go to school with - and seem to be the only one here less than thrilled with the unfamiliar faces. Of course, they're only unfamiliar to me.
Carl introduced me to some girls she knows from the volleyball team, and they seem nice enough. A group of guys I don't know stand around, leisurely scanning the room for girls like predators stalking their prey. I've darted a few suggestive comments No one has said anything terribly out of line, but my line and other people's line don't exactly fall in the same place. I haven't been outright propositioned or anything like that, but if one more strange man asks to "get to know the new girl" with a cocky smirk, I'm going to lose it.
I sneak out to the back yard, which grows more and more popular as the season progresses and the air grows more mild. It's no longer an escape - just an extension setting of tonight's party. I spot Dave and Lily chatting with a few people I know and go over to bum a cigarette from Dave, knowing he always has some on him.
"Thanks," I murmur as he lights it for me, and turn to walk away when Lily stops me.
"Rory, can I talk to you a minute?" she asks tentatively.
"Sure."
We walk a few paces for some semblance of privacy before I turn to her to ask what's up. Since Chelsea has been suspended/ grounded, she hasn't been around, but I assumed her friends still saw her. Then I remember that Lily was the one who told the dean the truth, and Chelsea probably deemed that a betrayal.
"I just wanted to apologize for what happened on Tuesday. I swear I had no idea what she had planned. She just told us to follow her because she had something for us to see, and of course, like idiots, we did," she says contritely.
"She's not talking to you, is she?" No, Queen Bee would expect more loyalty from her subjects. She wouldn't anyone how rare such a simple moral choice is, particularly in high school, and grateful I am. "All the same, thanks."
Dave interrupts us by coming up behind Lily and kissing her neck lewdly. It makes me uncomfortable, but I mentally shrug it off. She giggles and halfheartedly tries to push him away, but it's clear to me they're just one more pair that will undoubtedly couple off for break.
"You ladies talking about me?" he slurs playfully.
"No!" Lily replies.
"We were just talking about break," I lie.
Dave's eyes glow with excitement "It's gonna be slammin'. Drinking all day, partying all night, you all in bikinis..." He sighs dramatically. "A dream come true." Something tells me he'll be seeing Lily in even less than a bikini. Me? Not so much.
I roll my eyes and excuse myself as I smoke my cigarette down to the filter, embracing its calming effect. One cigarette a week - that is all I allow myself. Though in my internal negotiations I consider making additional allowances for vacations with friends - and several virtual strangers - that will undoubtedly include uncomfortable situations riddled with potential triggers.
I'm still on the same bottle of anti-anxiety meds, and I still have seven pills left. I'm a little worried this trip will require me to rely on them more than I've had to lately, but I've decided that the experience will be more rewarding than negative, and I'm truly looking forward to spending quality time with Carl and Tina, and perhaps now Lily, too.
And, of course, Sam.
I drop my cigarette into an abandoned beer bottle that's been repeatedly used for the same purpose, and head back inside. I look around for Carl or Tina, but it's Sam I spot first.
He's standing in the far corner of the crowded living room, off on his own with one other person - a girl I've never seen before. Her long strawberry blond hair hangs loosely down her back and her fair skin is almost luminous. Sam says something with a smirk and her head hangs back with laughter as she touches his chest. Sam smiles, pleased with her response.
Nausea unfurls in my gut. She is absolutely beautiful. And it's clear for anyone to see that she and Sam are something more than friends - more than he and I will ever be. Their exchange is intimate without being necessarily affectionate, at least not in public. My heart rate takes off, but I'm not panicking. No, this is nothing more than your average, run of the mill, common jealousy.
I know who she is without needing to be told.Kendall.His "regular" hook-up before she left for college. But she's home now, at least temporarily, and Sam seems pleased with this development.
In fact, he probably knew she'd be here. He was probably expecting her. They don't look like they're catching up; they've probably been in touch the whole time. I wonder what would've happened if she hadn't gone away to school. If they'd be in a relationship. Carl made it sound like they were never serious or exclusive, and I wonder why not, when they obviously have a real connection.
Pain slices through my chest and it's unfamiliar. It was somehow easier to accept that Sam and I could only ever be friends before there was a beautiful girl hanging all over him right in front of me. One with whom he has a history - an intimate history.
I want another cigarette. Surely I can allow myself one more considering the extenuating circumstances.
I'm about to turn to go bum another one from Dave when I see Carl run over to them and hug Miss Beautiful like they're long lost friends. They fall easily into conversation and I'm even jealous of that. Ofcourseshe's friends with my closest girl-friend, and right now, I feel like I don't belong. Like I've just been a deficient, temporary stand-in for this stranger, and now that she's back, I don't have a place.
I want to go home, but I don't want to make a big deal about it. I should just text Carl that I wasn't feeling well and couldn't find her to saybye. I pull out my phone and am about to head out and do just that when she spots me.
Damn
"Rory! Come here," she calls from across the room.
Sam follows her line of sight and we lock eyes. He smiles, and I force the fake smile I mastered for Cam's benefit back when I was dating Robin. Sam frowns in response and I wonder if he can't see right through it just as Cam did.
With no other choice, I drag my feet to their corner, stopping to grab a beer on my way.
