Robin never looked at me like this. I never looked at him either. His face was always buried in my neck or chest, my eyes clenched shut, my mind decidedly elsewhere as it would inevitably slip away to some distant memory, in some far off time and place. Except for that last time, of course, when he intently watched and relished every bit of my helplessness and terror, until I wondered whether or not I'd survive, and began to consider that, perhaps, I wished I didn't.
But with Sam I'm completely present. And I know he's right here with me, savoring this moment.
We gasp together, our breaths mixing intimately in a whirlwind of passion, his exhales the only air I breathe. I am living on Sam. With the emotion in his gaze, I pretend he could love me, too. That this is more than just sex to him. Because I'm making love, and it's the first time I've ever done that.
"You're so fucking beautiful, Rory," Sam breathes between his sexy groans and grunts. And repeated muttered expletives.
Sharp waves of pleasure seize me with his every thrust as my climax starts to build. Even after the magic of his mouth, the sensation is utterly unfathomable. It feels different somehow. Stronger, deeper. But I'm not sure it will happen again, especially so soon. I don't care either way, I realize. I'm in heaven regardless, and my chest swells with adoration for this man who is absolutely everywhere. On top of me, impaling me, around me, but most importantly, inside my heart, positively owning it.
"Baby..."
"Oh myGod,Sam..." And it's settled. I don't know how I ever even doubted him. Because I'm going to come again. I need to. It's almost painful how badly I need to. But it's a beautiful kind of pain, one that precedes only the most mind-blowing pleasure, and I moan his name, along with other carnal sounds I can't even describe. But I have no way of helping it. I'm lost to him in every possible way.
Sam kisses me again, ardently, deliciously, and he shifts, his hands sliding under my backside and lifting me. The angle changes and he dives impossibly deeper inside me.
It's all I can take.
I cry out what is meant to be his name, but sounds more like the mating call of some unnamed animal, as I explode around him, exponentially more intensely than before. My eyes flutter closed and my limbs seize, holding him to me like a vise, my nails unconsciously raking his back. I scream in delirium, time suspending as I ride each wave of ecstasy.
"Fuck! Rory," Sam groans, his voice a breathy rumble. He thrusts into me just twice more, hard and fast, before following me into oblivion.
When I return back to earth, Sam is dead weight on top of me, both of us panting like animals. He nuzzles my shoulder softly as I trace the lines of his back.
Sam's gently pulls out of me and rolls onto his back, taking me with him so I lay on him like a blanket, my face tucked into the nook of his neck. I inhale deeply, relishing the scent I've become so familiar with, now mixed with salt from the ocean and sweat. Sam strokes my back lightly with the tips of his fingers, and I shiver as chills break out on my skin.
"You alright, Ror?" he asks softly. I nod against his skin, eyes still closed, still half in another world - one of nothing but pleasure and love and Sam.
"Mmmm," is all I can come up with.
Sam chuckles and kisses my hair. "Well, that makes two of us, baby."
I sigh contently. "You've never called me that before."
"Called you what?" he asks. I lift my head just enough to look at him, not wanting to pull my body off of him any more than I have to - not sure if and when I'll have the opportunity to be so close to him again.
"Baby," I remind him.
Sam's brow furrows, like he didn't realize he even said it, and he said it plenty. "Hmm, I guess I did call you that. I don't know what you're doing to me, Ror. Honestly I've never called a girl a pet name in my life," he chuckles lightly.
"I liked it," I admit timidly.
Sam grins and his huge palm spreads around the back of my neck, pulling me down for a kiss. I sigh again. I scoot down and over just a little so he doesn't have to bear all of my weight, laying half on his chest, our legs intertwined, his fingers ghosting up and down my back.
I could stay like this forever.
The thought is bittersweet. I remind myself that this is all temporary. Because even if he could return my feelings, it wouldn't be right. What kind of person would I be if I allowed the man I loved to tie himself to such a broken mess?
All because of Robin.
I wish with all my heart that I could go back in time. That I could get back what Robin took from me. That Sam could have been my first. All this time I had no idea sex could be like that - so satisfying, both physically and emotionally. I wonder idly if Sam knows how significant this was for me. My hate for Robin suddenly consumes everything, bubbling up from the marrow of my bones.
"Oh, baby, no," Sam whispers, his knuckles brushing away liquid regret. "What's wrong?" His anxiety is palpable, and I suspect he thinks my regret is about him and what we just did.
I shake my head, denying his worry. "I'm fine," I mutter.
Sam rolls to his side, guiding me to face him. He slips an arm under my neck, and the other caresses my face, his thumb banishing another rogue tear. My leg bends between his, and in this position, with our eyes level and barely inches apart, I can't hide from him.
"Please tell me what I did," he pleads.
