I shoot off like a rocket, my head thrown back and mouth open, mind-numbing pleasure radiating from where he touches me throughout my entire body. I arch my back mindlessly and shamelessly moan while Sam's motion slows, but doesn't stop. I gasp for air as if I've just run a marathon.Holy fuck, isthatwhat I've been missing?
Now I know what he meant. You can't be unsure aboutthat.
I feel the absence of his mouth, and then his fingers, and when my eyes finally open, Sam is hovering over me, gazing down at me with his weight on his elbow, our bodies aligned. His fingers graze tenderly over my stomach.
"Hi," I finally manage.
Sam offers me a smug grin. I don't blame him. He has every right to be smug after what he just did to me. "Hi," he replies before feverishly taking my mouth. His body comes down over mine and I feel his arousal press against me. I wrap my legs around him and pull him harder against me and Sam groans, but pulls away as if he's still hesitant.
"We can wait, Ror. I can dothatagain, if you like," he offers with a cocky smirk.
Oh, God would I like him to do that again. And again.But no, it's not enough right now, not by a long shot. "No, Sam. I wantyou." I grind my hips against his.
He lets out an amorous grunt and his head flies back. "Fuck." But when his eyes come back to mine, he's concerned, like he's waging some internal war.
But I don't want his concern - not right now. "Sam, if I didn't want to be here with you, I wouldn't be here with you, okay?" I insist. I can see him considering me, feel him weighing his desire against his concern over my past. I run my hand over his sharp jaw, imploring him. "Please, I need you, Sam.Inside me."
His eyes slam closed. "God,Ror, if you're going to say things likethat, I'm barely going to make it inside you, baby," he growls.
"Well then don't make me ask again. Are you really going to make me beg you after last night? You know I have more bathing suits like that one to torture you with," I tease, though I most certainly do not. But I can always borrow one from Carl.
Sam jumps off the bed and my eyes follow him to the drawer in the nightstand. He retrieves a condom packet.
It doesn't make sense, but I don't want him to wear one. I don't want anything between us. I need him to wash away every time Robin took me without my permission and, irrationally, I'm not sure I'd feel the same way if he did it with a condom on.
"I'm on the pill," I murmur. Sam freezes, and eyes me warily. "And they, um, tested me in the hospital. After... you know. I've never been with anyone else."
"I trust you, Rory," he replies. "And just so you know, I've never not worn a condom. Not once."
I nod. When he doesn't make a move, I grab the packet out of his hand and toss it to the floor. Fire flashes in his eyes and he's immediately back on top of me, kissing me fervently.
He positions himself, and though I know it isn't true, part of me feels like it's my first time. It is the first time I've ever invited this, the first time I've ever asked a man to take me this way, and it's a detail that is very meaningful to me. Sam pulls his face away just enough to meet my eyes, and I see a question in his gaze. He's asking my permission one more time. I give it wordlessly.
I love you.
I want to say the words, but I know I can't. I probably never will. I have no business even thinking them.
Sam watches me intently as he slowly enters me. I sigh at the instant jolt of pleasure, the incredible sensation of being filled by him. I was a little nervous it would be painful. Sam is significantly better endowed than Robin, but I understand now it always hurt with Robin because that was what he wanted.
Sam continues to push forward and I realize he still isn't even all the way inside me. He's holding back, afraid to push me too far too quickly. He's watching for my every reaction, and I lift my hips to encourage him. Sam groans deep in his throat as he slides home. Figuratively, and somehow, also literally, because with him inside me, it feels as if this is where he is supposed to be.Home.
He stops to let me acclimate to his welcome invasion. "You okay, baby?" he asks hoarsely.
I lift my hips again, needing more. "God,yes, Sam. Please,move," I beg.
Sam tentatively rears back, and surges again. We moan together. It feels incredible. I never knew it could feel like this and I relish it. Being as connected to him physically as I feel emotionally. Even if I know it's mostly one sided, I do know he cares for me. And right now, I'll take what I can get from him. I know how screwed up I am and I know this is likely the closest I'll ever get to real love.
Sam begins a rhythm, equally sweet and possessive, and I tentatively raise my hips to meet his thrusts. He kisses me fiercely, our tongues tangling together, passion emanating from everywhere we connect. I tighten my thighs around him. He's so deep, and I can't help but think I want to stay this way forever.
"You feel so fucking good, Ror. So tight, baby. FuckingGod." His rhythm picks up and he starts to surrender his control. And that's exactly what I want. Sam as lost to me as I am to him.
I moan his name, my hands delving into his hair, tugging roughly. Vaguely I worry I might hurt him, but I'm not in control right now. I have completely submitted to him and my own body, which somehow knows exactly what to do.
My eyes close as I succumb to the sensations. To the grind of his hips, the heat of his mouth, the blanket of his weight, the stretch of him filling me. It's a heady combination and I bask in it.
"Look at me, baby," Sam rasps.GodI love his voice like this. I love that I've made it like this.
My eyes snap open to collide with enrapturing midnight blues, glazed with emotion and laced with lust, just inches from my own, our faces so close our noses brush with each rock of our hips.
