Even so, Jess held on as tightly as Claire, a nestling prepared for flight, still caught between freedom and security.Between the lure of the world and the safety of the mother who had always held her close.
And Claire, who had numbered her own days from themoment her two little fledglings had come into her life, knew every mother’s fear that they would soon be gone.Knew the added dread of seeing her days through alone.
She didn’t know what to do. She didn’t know what to hope for, except that whatever happened, her childrenwould be safe and whole and happy.
It was all she’d ever wanted. All she’d lived for. The single thing in this life that kept her sane.
“It’ll be okay,” she promised, although she wasn’t surewhom she addressed. “I promise.”
As if that would be enough.
Tony didn’t know just what to hope for. If he were a lotstronger and wiser, he’d hope Claire would take him up onhis offer so he could be there for her. If he were more sure of himself, he’d confront her with the circles beneath her eyes and the tremble in her hand. If he were honest, he’dadmit that every time she walked into the room he had a lessthan altruistic response. He smelled her coming like a softrain and wanted to bury his face in her hair. He wanted the gift of her smile, a real smile, just for him. He wanted to seeher laugh, just for herself. He wanted to wipe out the sadness that colored her brightest smiles.
But Tony just wasn’t sure how strong he was. For thebriefest of moments when he really was honest with himself, he half hoped she’d pick him up by the belt and soupladle and heave him back out the door.
He wasn’t trained to handle this. He wasn’t the person who should catch her, no matter what Andy said, and thevery last thing Tony wanted in this life was to hurt thiswoman any further.
But he wasn’t going to have the choice.
So he stood alone in the sparkling white kitchen stirring his bubbling sauce and trying his best to pick words out ofthe hum of conversation in the living room and a directionfrom the tones. He thought about what he should do nextand he practiced Andy’s rules of priority.
First you remember to breathe. Everything else falls intoplace after that.
“You and I need to talk.”
She didn’t really surprise him. He’d smelled the softspring of her as she approached. He recorded the fact that his heart rate jumped and his hands went damp. Fear. Attraction. Trepidation the likes of which he’d never knownthe entire time he’d carted around an M-16.
He turned to her anyway, doing his damnedest to appearnonchalant about the most important discussion he thoughthe’d ever have. He set down his ladle and he smiled.
“I know.”
She stood there in the doorway to the dining room, clad in a soft cashmere sweater and softer skirt sprinkled withflowers the color of her hair. Her skin was too pale, though,her posture too rigid. Tony fought an unholy urge to walkright up to her and pull her into his arms.
“I did some shopping today,” he said. “Can I offer youa beer?”
She actually smiled, breaking his heart on the spot.“Yeah,” she sighed. “I think so.”
It was Tony who pulled two cans from the refrigeratorand handed hers over. “Where’s the great negotiator?”
“Beating a strategic retreat. Thank you.”
“Never say retreat,” he advised, popping the top on his can to hear the satisfying hiss. “Regrouping. Sounds better.”
Claire just shook her head. “Whose idea was it?”
For a minute, Tony thought of fudging things a little. Inthe end, he knew better. She’d find out, and then he’d havenothing to barter with when the time came. So he motionedto the trestle table that took up the corner of the kitchen andjoined her there.
“Your daughter and I make a great team of conspirators. She came up with the idea, and I thought of the application.”
“Good contractor that you are.”
“She’s a great kid. You should be proud of her.”
He saw her almost bristle. “Iamproud of her. But thereare certain limits in every household, like whose responsibility it is to invite men over for a week or two.”
“It’s not exactly like that—”
“I don’t need anybody here holding my hand. As a matter of fact, I’d like to say that I very much don’twantanybody here waiting like a vulture to pick my psychologicalbones clean.”
