Without warning, Jess teared up. Straightened, as if hermother had screamed instead of murmured. “I didn’t do anything wrong.”
This time Claire found she could smile. “Honey, I’m notworried about that. Not with Peaches anywhere in the state.I just... I just need to know why you’ve made it a point toinvite this man over twice without so much as asking me.You have to admit that’s a little unusual, even for thishousehold.”
Jess didn’t relax an inch. Claire saw the struggle in the girland ached. God, she just wanted to hug her. To hold heruntil she looked brave and certain and excited. Clairecouldn’t bear to see her babies hurting.
“I thought...I thought you’d be happy,” Jess insisted,her hands intertwined like wrestlers.
“Why? You think I need a date?”
Claire had hoped for a giggle. She got a stiff shake of thehead.
“I can make my own dates, honey,” she admonished asgently as she could. “At least, I always have.”
“It’s not that,” Jess insisted, sounding even more miserable. “It’s... you talk to him.”
Claire waited for more. Jess evidently wasn’t going to giveit. “I talk to you, too.”
“Not about grown-up stuff. Not about... about the houseand stuff. Peaches doesn’t really understand, and we’re justkids, and I thought maybe he could help us, and you’d havesomebody... you know, your own age to be with, because Johnny and I just aren’t here all the time like we used tobe—”
“Whoa, tiger, slow down. I get it. I appreciate it, too, butI don’t need anybody else to talk to. I’m happy talking to you guys and Peaches. And don’t forget Bea and Marissaand Nadine—”
Jess fidgeted. “Does this mean you’re going to make himgo away?”
“Well, honey, I think we’re probably imposing on him toask him to use his vacation to do our plumbing, don’t youthink?”
Jess almost came right off the couch. “He said he’d loveto see Virginia. And he was thinking of bringing his daughter up, her name’s Gina, and he says I remind him a lot ofher. I told him she could stay with me, I have an extra bedandI’d really—”
Claire stopped her with nothing more than a raised hand.She was glad Jess couldn’t hear the stutter of her own heartor feel the sudden dampness on her palms. She was glad ambivalence didn’t make its own sound, or else it wouldhave deafened them both.
“This isn’t an overnight,” she objected, keeping her handup as Jess fought to respond. “I’ll think about it. It’s all I can promise.”
“I think it’d be good for you,” Jess blurted out.
Claire’s heart stumbled all over again. “What do youmean?”
Her daughter blushed. Squirmed. Faced Claire with morebravado than Claire had ever had at that age. “He cooks,Mom. Don’t forget that.”
“Peaches cooks.”
“Peaches cooks muffins and stollens and things. Did youtaste Tony’s pasta sauce?”
“Mr. Riordan.”
“Okay, did you taste Mr. Riordan’s pasta sauce? C’mon,Mom,please.I could even learn how to make it, and then we’d always be able to have spaghetti.”
Claire gave in to a grin. “We’ll see,” she said, and gotback to her feet.
Her shaky feet. Her weak, trembly legs. Her daughter wasgiving her a playmate. What she wanted her to give her wassilence. Emptiness, really, a place it was safe to give voice toall the old emotions. But there wasn’t anybody out therewho could give her a gift like that. And even if there were,she couldn’t afford it anymore, when she had Jess and Johnto think of.
“Come here,” she commanded, and her daughter approached.
Claire did what she’d been wanting to do since she’d walked into the house. She folded her little girl into herarms, close to her heart. She smelled the fresh shampoo inher thick strawberry blond hair and sated herself on the untested softness of her skin, and she thought of those raremoments of peace when she’d held Jess in her arms whenshe’d been a baby. Those long, dark hours of the night that had been held so at bay by the mere sight of wide blue eyes searching out her own.
That had been when she’d known. When she’d written herown creed.As long as my children are all right, I’ll be allright.In all these years, it had held true.
“Thank you,” she said even as her heart continued tohammer with dread. “You’re an awfully thoughtful kid.”
“That’s what I keep trying to tell you,” Jess retorted withjust the slyest hint of humor.
