Wishing the floor would open up and swallow her, Amy groaned and leaned her head against her knees. Her silence, an admission of guilt.
“Did Robert kiss you?” Ben’s question was quiet.
Her head flew up. “No, but...” She bit her lip to keep from admitting she’d kind of wanted him to.
“But if he had, you’re afraid you would have kissed him back.” When Amy lowered her eyes, he went on, “So what? That’s what you’re supposed to do when someone kisses you. It doesn’t make you some sort of... slut.”
“You don’t understand. I can’t... do this. I can’t trust... myself around... men.”
“All men? Or just me and Robert?”
Amy looked anywhere and everywhere except for at Ben. “I don’t know. I mean, the smell of Jake’s—” She cut herself off as she realized what she was about to say.
Ben chuckled. “But Jake didn’t kiss you either.”
Amy cringed. “Did he tell you I was a basket case when he brought me home?”
“Is that why he kissed your hand and left so quickly?” Amusement danced in his eyes.
Amy’s eyes narrowed on Ben. Somehow, Jake didn’t strike her as the type to tell his cousin, no matter how close they were, that he kissed a girl’s hand at the end of a date.
Ben blushed this time. He scratched his neck. “I... uh... may have been working on Debbie’s blinds... when he brought you home.”
How had the conversation turned to Amynotkissing Ben’s cousins? The absurdity of their conversation hit her. Remembering how flustered she’d been and picturing a jealous Ben peeking through Debbie’s blinds to see if Jake would kiss her suddenly struck her as funny.
She burst out laughing. “I was so afraid Jake might kiss me and I’d respond to him like I had you, that I totally freaked out. He probably thought me the most socially awkward person ever.”
Ben’s laughter joined hers. She loved his laugh.
After a few moments, he sobered. “But you felt something when he kissed your hand, didn’t you?”
Amy met his eyes. “Do you ever miss anything?”
Something darkened in Ben’s gaze. “Not when it’s important to me.”
Amy’s heart somersaulted.Am I important to you?
Ben took her hand, causing her heart to stall altogether. “Were you ever unfaithful to Lance while you were with him?”
“Never.”
“You slapped him because he doubted your fidelity.”
“You heard that?” The color drained from her face. Had he also heard her question Lance about Eddie? Of course, she hadn’t told Lance why she needed to find the drummer.
“You were angry when he questioned your morals. So why do you question yourself?”
Ben was right. Lance was the only man she’d ever been with, and she’d been with him a little over three years. In all that time, she’d never looked at another man. So why was she so drawn to Benandhis cousins?
Was it because of the kind of men they were? The quality of men in her current environment were much better than any man she’d ever met before. But that didn’t change who she was inside. Whether Ben was the first man to come along or the tenth, she’d probably still have fallen for him. His sapphire eyes and dimple did funny things to her insides.
Ben stroked the back of her hand. “Amy, you are not your mother. And I am not Lance.”
Warmth spread through Amy as Ben’s thumb drew lazy circles on the back of her hand. No, he was nothing like Lance. Lance had never made her feel this excited and confused. Which meant it would hurt that much worse when Ben realized he couldn’t find anything to love about her.
Knowing she was probably making the biggest mistake of her life, she relented. “Okay, I’ll go out with you.” She tugged her hand away. “But I need you to stop doing that.”
Ben chuckled and straightened his legs, leaning his back against the couch again. Picking up one of Kallie’s toys, he played with it absently.
“Did I ever tell you what job Melanie was working when I met her?” When Amy shook her head, he said, “She was a night janitor at the law offices where I worked.” He winked at her. “If I can handle being seen in public with a janitor, I think I can handle going out with a waitress or a dispatcher or whatever you want to call yourself.”
But could he really, truly love her?
