Ben leaned closer, lifting her chin, his fingers warm against her skin. “Can’t or won’t?”
His deep blue eyes robbed Amy’s lungs of air. Her heart stuttered then raced, as his breath caressed her cheek. She sucked in a sharp breath, and closed her eyes against his probing gaze, hoping he couldn’t see the affect his nearness had on her.
“I see.” Her eyes flew open again at his quiet words. Understanding dawned in his. “This isn’t about Lance, not really. Nor does it have anything to do with your upbringing.”
Pulling away from Ben’s fingers, Amy blinked back the sudden hot tears that flooded her eyes. “It has everything to do with my upbringing. I’m a product of my environment. I’m my mother’s daughter.”
Ben’s brow furrowed. “Amy, you are not your mother.”
“No, I’m worse than my mother.” She buried her face in her hands.
“How so?”
No way would she tell him how strongly she was affected by his kiss, a mere two weeks after leaving Lance. How she longed for him to take her in his arms and kiss her again.
“When you left Lance, why did you run?”
Amy dropped her hands and frowned at him.
“Why didn’t you stay with a friend until you found another job and got on your feet again?”
“I couldn’t...”
“Couldn’t what?”
Amy bit her lip to keep the thoughts racing through her head from escaping out her mouth.I couldn’t risk making the same mistake and getting rejected again. So, I left, only to find myself falling for the first single man I meet, as well as the second, and the third.Technically, Rudy was the third, and he was cute, but he was young. Stifling a groan, she started to get to her feet. She had to put some distance between her and Ben.
But he caught her hand. “Amy, please don’t run from this. From me.”
Sitting back, she watched James carry Kallie from the kitchen to his office, with Hope hot on his heels. The click of the closing door made her long for Kallie’s distraction. Had Ben planned this with his parents?
She let out a deep sigh. “I’d already given Lance so many chances. I was afraid if I stayed, I’d give in again, and he’d take advantage of me and cheat on me all over again.”
“It was more than that though, wasn’t it? You couldn’t stay in Portland and continue working at a bar because you were afraid you’d turn out like your mother, weren’t you? Make the same mistake, again and again. If not with Lance, then with someone else.”
Lowering her eyes, she gave a slight nod. She couldn’t believe how perceptive Ben was. Would he guess her deepest fear?
I’m not lovable.
“You said it yourself, you’re a product of your environment. You’re in a different environment now, Amy. You won’t make the same mistakes here that you did in Portland.”
A new environment can’t suddenly make me lovable.
Amy bit back the words, instead she said, “A new environment doesn’t change who... or what I am.”
“And what are you, Amy?” Ben laughed, his eyes lighting with amusement. “That’s what this is about? You don’t want to go out with me because you’re attracted to me?”
The conclusion he’d jumped to surprised Amy, and she wanted to deny it, but she couldn’t. “I... um... how...?”
“You think something is wrong with you because you’re a red-blooded female who responds to a man’s kiss?”
Amy’s eyes widened, and heat filled her cheeks as she remembered exactly how she’d reacted to his kiss a few weeks ago.
“Yes, I noticed you responded when I kissed you.” Pride laced Ben’s words. He reached out and played with a lock of her hair, shooting tingles across her scalp.
“I... um, yeah, but it’s not... just....” The heat in her face made her eyes burn.
“Let me guess, you’re disappointed in yourself because you find Robert attractive too.”
