Not that it matters. I can’t be with either of them the way I want to. Out. Loud. Proud.
When I don’t say anything, her lips tug into a smirk. “It’s Zac, isn’t it?”
I shake my head. “It doesn’t matter who it is. The point is, I can never be with anyone. Not in public anyway, and no one deserves to live a life like that.”
“Not even you,” she says softly.
“I don’t have a choice.”
“We all have a choice, Noah. I’ll admit, yours isn’t an easy one. But sometimes the things worth having aren’t easy.”
“I hate this,” I say with a groan. “It’s tearing me up inside. I want to stand up to him, but he’s ruthless. He already ruined one guy’s life because of me. I can’t have someone else’s on my conscience.”
Hannah flops on her back beside me and entwines her fingers with mine, squeezing. “We’ll figure this out,” she says, determination fierce. “In the meantime, you’ve got me as the best fake girlfriend in the world for as long as you need.”
“I don’t deserve you, Hannah.”
“Everyone deserves happiness, Noah. I’m going to help you get yours.”
My throat clogs, and I try to clear it. “Thanks.”
“You’re welcome.”
We spendthe next hour talking in my room, despite the party raging downstairs. I’m so grateful to have someone to talk to. I’ve spent my whole life hiding who I am from my friends, apart from Nathan. It’s freeing to have someone finally see the real me.
Her hatred for my father only grows when I tell her what he did to my ex, and she’s more determined than ever to help me find a way to live life how I want. No, the way I deserve.
I don’t tell her everything. Some skeletons need to stay hidden—like how I started cutting after losing him. I’m not ready to have all my demons out in the world, but she makes me realise that what happened to Nathan wasn’t my fault. It was my father’s. You can’t help who you fall in love with.
She doesn’t bring up Zac again, and I’m thankful. Nothing can happen with my teammate. Not while my dad still has this control over me. No guy in my public life is safe until I’ve figured out how to handle him.
“So, you’re really into this masked Romeo guy?” Hannah asks, concern clouding her blue eyes.
I grin. “Yeah, I am.”
She hesitates before saying, “You’re sure this club is safe?”
“I promise you, it is.”
She doesn’t look convinced.
“I appreciate you looking out for me,” I say with a chuckle. “You don’t have to worry.”
Because she’s an awesome human, she agrees to leave the party with me so it looks like I’m heading home with her. Her only request is that I message her the moment I get home later to let her know I wasn’t murdered for black market body parts.
Dressed in a hoodie and sweatpants to sell my story of asleepover at my girlfriend’s, I carry an overnight bag with a change of clothes downstairs, my arm slung over Hannah’s shoulder.
My teammates give me shit for bowing out early. Everyone except Zac. He takes a swig of his beer and avoids my gaze, nodding once when Hannah says goodbye to him. It’s not like him, and I wonder if something happened after I disappeared upstairs.
I can’t dwell on it, though. Not when I’m going to meet someone else.
Hannah offers her car, so I don’t have to ride my bike home later, and I drop her at her dorm, changing there before heading out again.
My body thrums with anticipation as I make my way through the club, the room card in my hand. Only when I reach the bar, he’s not here. My eyes rove the crowded dancefloor. There are a lot of men grinding against one another, but none of them are the one I want.
I check my watch. I’m ten minutes late. Surely he hasn’t given up on me that easily.
The bartender shouts over the music, asking if I want anything. I shake my head, unease building in my gut. Have I fucked up somehow? Did he find someone who doesn’t need to hide behind these walls?
