Hannah pulls me over to sit on the edge of my bed. I’m glad when she doesn’t let go, and I grip her hand like she’s the only one keeping me from drowning.
“I’m your friend, Noah. I care about you. Whatever you tell me stays in this room. But whatever it is, I’ll help you through it.”
Tears sting the corners of my eyes, and I bow my head. It’s all I’ve ever wanted; someone in my corner, fighting for me, validating me, letting me know everything will be okay.
But it’s not.
This secret has the potential to blow up my life, and once I tell her, she might back out of our arrangement. My grandad’s birthday is next month, and I need her, no matter how selfish that makes me.
I could’ve waited, but hiding the real reason I need a fake girlfriend isn’t fair to her. The guilt is eating me up inside. I need someone to talk to about what’s going on in my head.
Hannah doesn’t push me to talk. She waits for me to work through the jumble of chaotic thoughts swirling around my head.
Drawing a shaky breath, I just rip the Band-Aid off.
“I’m gay.”
I brace myself for her incoming disappointment or anger or disgust, but none of it comes. Instead, she smiles and leans in to hug me. “Thank you for opening up to me.”
“That was not the reaction I was expecting,” I say, breathing out a heavy sigh and rubbing the back of my neck with my free hand, returning her embrace with the other.
“I’ve had my suspicions for a while,” she admits, pulling back to look at me.
I huff a laugh. “You have, huh?”
She smirks and nods. “You’re not as smooth as you think you are, Bentley.”
I flop back onto my bed, my hands resting behind my head as I stare up at the ceiling. “Good to know.” My voice is flat, because if she’s figured it out… how many others have as well?
She leans back on her elbow to face me. “It’s not the end of the world, Noah. Who cares if you’re gay?”
“You’ve met my father.”
She grimaces. “Is that why you’ve kept it a secret?”
I nod. “It wasn’t pretty when he found out about my previous boyfriend. I don’t want to go through anything like that again.”
“Hence the fake girlfriend.”
I wince. “I’m sorry for dragging you into this, and for not being upfront with you from the start.”
She shrugs. “To be honest, I was kind of hoping you might be bi, and there’d possibly be a time when you realised you liked me too.”
Her words stab me in the chest. She has no idea how much I wish I could’ve just fallen for her. If only she had the right body parts. “I’m really sorry.”
“Stop apologising,” she says, pushing her hand in my face. “I told you, it’s fine. No offense, but your dad’s a dick, and I kind of like being involved in a secretfuck youto him.”
I snort. “Thanks. I appreciate you helping me out, but I don’t know what I’m going to do for the rest of my life. It’s not like I can keep you on retainer forever. You’ll eventually find the perfect guy and our charade will be over.”
“Have you?”
“Have I what?”
“Found your perfect guy?”
My stomach twists at her loaded question. I haven’t only found one.
I’ve found two.
