My heart breaks more, and I do my best to keep my tears at bay in front of her. “Lori, I do appreciate that you felt the need to talk to me.” I spot one of her friends at the door of Jolly Joe’s, and she calls Lori’s name. “You should go to your friends, okay?”
She nods in agreement and stands. “Just…” Lori can’t finish her sentence.
But still, I give her a knowing look.
I should have seen that Holden making my heart crack would affect more than just me. If only he could see that mistakes can be rectified.
27
HOLDEN
Irub my hands together before I groan into my palms. I’m sitting on the bench swing outside the Dizzy Duck near the dock, looking at the serene lake that doesn’t reflect my current mood. I have a headache of my own doing.It’s also risky sitting here because everything here reminds me of Lexi.
Stone is sitting next to me, also staring out at the lake. “This is kind of weird, right? Sitting on a swing together?”
“Then leave,” I snipe.
“Whoa there, don’t take your aggression out on me due to your current life turmoil,” he volleys back. I’ve brushed him up on everything that’s happened, but now I feel like he’s about to lecture me with that the wise logic that he believes he has.
“Look, Lori doesn’t want to see Michelle, Michelle forgets she even has a son, and I sure as hell don’t want to see my ex-wife again. My lawyer better hurry up with this call back. He was looking into options,” I explain.
“Did you forget the other matter?”
I sideline my eyes and meet his neutral look. “No, that’s on my mind non-stop. Breaking up with Lexi wasn’t the highlight of my week—or life, for that matter.” It’s fucking incinerating.
“Yet you did it. I’m not sure why since she would only help you,” he reminds me.
I run the back of my finger along my jaw, and my eyes whirl side to side as I try to push my theory out of my head. “I don’t think I can think clearly, and why sink her down into this situation with me. A perfect life isn’t for me, and she deserves one. This week was just a sign of that. Why put Lexi through misery by sticking around if eventually my contentment breaks because I’m unable to balance amazing kids, great work, and Lexi, who gets her own category.”
Stone sputters a sound. “That is the most fucked-up thought. Get it together and realize that it doesn’t have to be that way.”
I rub the back of my neck in pure agony due to the days past. Time to admit the truth to my friend. “I’m scared shitless, okay?”
He smirks. “We kind of all figured that out, but kudos for saying it out loud and avoiding an expensive therapist.”
I glare at him, not entertained. “It is what it is.”
He tips his head to the side and makes a sound of doubt. “I don’t exactly agree. There must be a reason you feel that way. You sure as hell were fearless back in your pro days.”
“I had a very busy life until Michelle kind of ruined that with months of mediation with lawyers and unreasonable demands, but I was willing to do anything for Lori and Harry.”
Stone snaps his fingers. “Bingo. You do everything for them but never yourself, and because of that, you’re letting a difficult divorce stop you from actually getting what you deserve.”
Just like dominoes toppling, every brick that quickly falls in my head leads me to another realization, another connection of thoughts now becoming clearer. A sort of epiphany that begins to fuel one thought: I need to turn around this future.
I inhale a sharp breath, nearly ashamed that I let this happen. “I can’t go back in time,” I say softly.
He smiles to himself and leans back with pride. “But you can change the future, and that, my friend, is my amazing advice that you’re going to follow.”
Stone is so sure of himself, and that cockiness causes me to smirk weakly. “Not sure the damage with Lexi can be fixed. I was beyond what she deserves. Not at all showing the love that I have for her.”
It’s a few seconds before he slaps a hand on my shoulder. “You don’t know until you try.”
I slant a shoulder up to my ear, trying to comprehend this conversation and form a plan of action. “You’re right. I just wish I didn’t first have to conquer the ex-wife who is intent on breaking my kids’ hearts yet again. I can’t even manage to sayourkids. Hell, in that short time, Lexi has been more of a mother than they’ve ever had.”
Stone stands. He mentioned earlier that he needed to meet Harlow so they could babysit his niece. “Then beat Michelle at her tricks then calm the hell down, before you find Lexi to fix both of your broken hearts. Every heart can be mended.” He brings a hand to his chest. “Damn, I’m on fire today with this sappy advice. Owe that to my soon-to-be wife.”
A soft smile spreads on my mouth at the happiness in his life that I’m desperately intent on getting back.
