* * *
AmI really standing in a parking lot about to do this? After a long call with my lawyer and documents sent by courier, here I am. Maybe it’s the worst mistake of my life or one day Harry or Lori might hate me. But this is me protecting their interests. I’m the adult here, and this is what feels to be the best solution for us all.
Michelle stands by her car with her arms crossed, waiting for me to speak.
“Lori doesn’t want to see you, and I’m not going to force it,” I begin.
Her face is blank, but I see the glaze of her eyes that she doesn’t seem surprised.
“Harry doesn’t remember you, and you haven’t actually mentioned his name once, as though you’ve forgotten about him.”
She stands tall. “That’s because a daughter needs her mother more.”
I shake my head gently. “Not true. But we’ve managed just fine since you left.”
“Did you even ask him?”
“He’s ten years old and doesn’t remember you at all. Not once has he mentioned you, since you were never in his life. Harry only knows that you weren’t around, and he never asked again because he’s been a kid with a strong head on his shoulders from the moment he could walk. It’s in his best interest that he doesn’t know about your unexpected appearance unless you provide proof that you want to make an effort. I’m making the choice to see you for him.”
Irritation is seeping through her deep exhale. “He has you, and Lori has me.”
I rub the back of my neck in utter disbelief. “As in separate them when you would visit?”
She shrugs. “Maybe. I don’t know how to approach this.”
I pinch the bridge of my nose, feeling the rage forming. “Fuck this illogical thought of yours. Be honest and tell me that you truly want. You’re really going to tell me that you will make an effort with them, and if I were to offer you money beyond our settlement from years ago that you wouldn’t blink an eye and would refuse it because the kids are more important?”
She seems to be prolonging her answer because I know it’s not good. “Fine. You’re right, I can’t.”
A sound escapes me because my instincts are unfortunately true. “Let me guess. You did reappear to cause chaos and try to get money in return?”
Her body relaxes from her charade no longer needed. “I did think about seeing them again.” Her voice is delicate, and this I do believe. “But you can also make this go away.”
“Thought so. Especially since you recently went through divorce number three.” I glance down at the papers in my hand. “So, let’s solve this right away.” I hand her the documents. “You never showed interest in the kids, and I’m not going to chance you returning, as they still have quite a few years until they are legal adults.”
She examines the papers, but she doesn’t seem to have any feeling. “Voluntarily relinquish parental rights.” She holds the sheets up, unimpressed.
“Yeah. You can sign the form, or if you’re not sure, go to counseling before you sign the form to ensure you’ve thought this through, or we could have a judge approve, if you want someone to hear why I’m doing this. I know it’s a big decision.” I do have sympathy for that.
“Even though it would be voluntary, I will still pay you one last sum. If you ever had any ounce of love for them then I think you know this is the way.”
Her arm drops low as the papers hang from her hand, and we stand here for a long few seconds. “Does this mean… that one day someone can adopt them to be their mother?” I don’t think she’s being vindictive in this moment. She may have a few narcissistic bones too many but right now she’s trying to understand, truly understand, what this all means.
My shoulders slant up as my face remains serious. “Hasn’t crossed my mind. If you mean Lexi… we’re going at our own pace, and I haven’t thought about it, but she cares for them as her own.” And I need to get us back on the road. “But would it be so bad that one day Lori and Harry might have an even stronger family unit?”
Michelle thinks to herself, with her eyes reeling side to side before she sighs. “Maybe I’m just a horrible person and you’re right.” She’s actually seriously reflecting on herself.
I rub my eyebrow, remembering that sometimes people need a little compassion, and our marriage may have gone wrong, but she was part of my life and gave me Lori and Harry. “Even horrible people can turn their life around. But after nearly ten years away with no contact with the kids, then I think when you look deep within yourself, you can make a decision that maybe you aren’t as horrible as you might imagine... It’s okay to say that you never wanted to be a mother.”
She nods gently in agreement and appears thankful that I’ve calmed and am attempting to show understanding. “Okay.” Her shoulders slump. “If I do this then…”
My lips curl because why am I not surprised. “Last page.” I look away from this because I knew deep down that getting something in return would be the only way to seal the deal, even if in the bottom of her heart she feels it’s the truth.
“Fine.”
My head whips up now, astonished how fast she answered. “Wow. Proof for your presence in Lake Spark.”
She tosses the papers on the hood of her car. “I’ll sign.”
