He shakes his head in disagreement, now ignoring my presence, walking to his dresser and fumbling in his drawer. “Not when our relationship is a mistake. We’re just two people who have great sex and got lost in lust.”
A swoosh of change finally hits me, and his wall is too big and strong. Holden has made up his mind.
Those tears that I’ve been squeezing tight fall. “If you really feel that way, then I’ll pack up my bags now and leave. It seems like I have no choice. You may break my heart now, but I’ll still hold on to hope that Lori and Harry will be okay and you’ll be at peace with your decision.”
He ensures his back is to me, as though he doesn’t want me to read his facial expressions. “It is my decision,” he reiterates.
I wipe away a tear and take a moment to gather myself. “Well then… goodbye.”
Holden storms to the door to leave me to gather myself. But his hand stalls on the knob, and he stands there for a few beats.
“When it comes to you, Lexi, a realization struck me last night…”
“What would that be, since you already made your list of our failures together known,” I snipe with bitterness.
Another long pause keeps him stalled as he sighs, but then he opens the door and gives me one last look.
“The moment we kissed is when I should have run.”
25
HOLDEN
My fingers tap on the table, as what feels like the devil just arrived. Michelle sits across from me in a restaurant in an old log cabin outside of Lake Spark amongst the woods.
“Here we are.” My enthusiasm is non-existent.
She reaches out to touch the back of my hand, and I don’t give her a chance by ripping my hand away. Her face falls, and I have no ounce of sympathy. This is a woman who left her kids not because she had an issue that would put Lori and Harry in danger, she didn’t need to go away and find herself before returning a better person. It was purely her selfishness to walk away without a backward glance or any hint of remorse. And as a bonus on top, requesting a hefty settlement too. Lori and Harry were young, they barely remember, but it was damage enough.
“I want to see Lori and Harry again. They have a right to see me.”
“Nope.” My tone is firm. “I make the decisions. That’s how sole custody works.”
She sighs, and the waitress interrupts us at the wrong moment, but also, I’m thankful.
“Coffee, black,” I order without giving any attention to the lady with an apron.
“Same.” Michelle presses her lips together and waits for our standoff to continue.
We stare at one another, and I try to remind myself that I owe a chance to Lori and Harry’s mother even if it hurts.
“Give me an opportunity. I can see them once even, with you present,” she requests with sincerity but not enough for me to be fully convinced, as I was once married to her.
“Then what?”
She shrugs her shoulders. “Maybe I can take them alone somewhere. Pioneer Park is in Lake Spark, they must love that.”
I snicker. “Harry has other interests, and Lori is nearly a teenager, she’s too old for people in costumes sewing quilts. You yourself argued yesterday that she’s at a time in her life when she needs a strong female.” My face must appear extremely coldhearted.
Probably because within me, I’m more than aware that Lexi is the strong woman that Lori has become attached to. The type of role model that Lori needs. Nor does Lexi forget about Harry, ever.
Most of all, Lexi is the woman who kindles my heart and made me believe that I could have it all. Now I’ve broken her heart and severely wounded my own. But my children’s mother reappearing must be a sign that this whole situation happened because I’m not allowed to have it all. Fate can play the cruelest of games. As soon as you get something great, then you get knocked by something bad. If I look back in my life, I’ve never had the balance. I’m not going to drag Lexi deeper into my life if we won’t be possible need to protect her not only from my batshit crazy ex’s games, but I also need to protect Lexi’s heart.
“Holden,” Michelle’s sharp tone breaks my thought. “You owe me this or I take us to court.”
My head juts up, hesitating. “You do realize your time limit to challenge our agreement has passed, right?”
She shakes her head. “But visitation is not impossible, we didn’t sign away parental rights. Plus, I can still see them or contact them without you?—”
