I’m quick to cut her off. “No. If you want to contact them, then we have to discuss that, even if we have to do that in court. You say you care for them, but this approach is a shitty way to show it.”
In court, this would be scorching and completely difficult for Lori and Harry too. My hands are completely tied in this impossible situation, and I’m not entirely sure why it never crossed my mind. There was always a chance that this could happen. But I never saw someone so determined to leave their kids in favor of money and a life of jet-setting and boyfriends.
The cracking of my heart is different to last night with Lexi. My children always come first.
“Okay.” My eyes glint to examine her words and behavior. “If I agree?”
Hope glazes her eyes. “Then I want to see them tomorrow… withouther.”
I chortle to myself because this predicament really feels like I’m at the gates of Hell. “That won’t be a problem, as Lexi’s…” Do I admit that I’ve ruined a strong and loving relationship with so much promise all because of Michelle, who feels like a signal that nobody gets it all? On one hand, it will ease her argument. But on the other, satisfaction gives her power. “It’s not an issue.”
Michelle seems surprised. “Well then, one less thing to worry about to lead us to a peaceful resolution.”
My knuckles form fists, and I’m trying to bite in all my anger that wants to unleash. I need to get this discussion over with before I burst. “Let me talk to the kids. If they don’t want to see you, then I don’t think we should push this.”
“They don’t even know me, and they deserve to know me,” she defends.
I glance away, trying again to keep my rage in. “Tomorrow, Michelle. That’s when you get to prove yourself thatmaybewe can explore this conversation more.”
“Fine. But I mean it, Holden. If you don’t give me any chance, then I will find a way to ruin you.” She stands, her words hostile.
I gently shake my head, not surprised at all. “That’s a shocker.”
Watching her walk away, a chill hits me. This can’t be my life right now. Everything was within my grasp, but it’s clear that I’m simply not made for a life with everything that could possibly make a person happy.
* * *
Walkingthrough the hall at the Dizzy Duck, my attempt to keep myself busy before school pickup will fail, I know it will. I’m reserving my energy for my call to the lawyer and talking with Lori and Harry.
But this day only sinks me deeper into despair because I feel Lexi’s presence. I don’t even need to look up. She became a natural magnet to me when it comes to my senses and instinct. But I do look up because her steps have slowed.
At first, we’re both silent. Even without sleep, she appears radiant, in a skirt and heels. She’s holding a swatch while her eyes dance side to side.
“Hi.” My voice is soft.
“I was just leaving. I forgot I left a few things here for designs.” She holds up the swatch ring, clearly wanting to ignore me or be anywhere but here.
When she attempts to walk away, I grab her wrist then the other to keep her in a strong hold. “Wait.” I’m not sure what to say, other than I need to touch her one last time.
“What, Holden? You said enough. Your message was clear.”
We’re both fuming, and she’s so close within my grasp. “It’s just…” What words do I use?
Her eyes widen, she’s growing impatient. “Yes?”
I’m being a coward. Not saying the true reasons behind my need to part ways with her.
When she breaks my hold on her, she catches me off balance when she shoves me. “You are a coward.” Ah yes, I forgot she has a talent to read my mind. We both scan the area, and we’re all alone, as nobody really comes this way unless they’re staff. “What the fuck did you think would happen?”
“Lexi…” Do I argue or attempt to explain?
Her finger darts out to poke my chest. “Even a smart man knows full well that when you bring someone close into your life, interweave them into your circle with the people who you hold dear. When you kiss and whisper ‘I love you’ or your entire body is aware that when that person says they support you that you know it’s true. It’s not a surprise that you are heading toward something longstanding. And now you suddenly want to tell me it isn’t?”
“Lexi, I…”
“You don’t need to say anything because maybe I even understand. I think you believe this will help your current situation, and I’m the easy answer to soften the blow.” Her eyes begin to water, and I hate how she is probably right.
“Lexi, I’m not meant to have everything. That’s the reality.” I run my tongue along my mouth because I’m nervous around her, wanting so many things with her, but I can’t give her any.
