“I’m not sure. First solve if she is telling the truth. I’m 99% sure she’s lying and just wants money. But still, maybe there was a flicker of honesty in what she said too. I think I owe it to Lori and Harry to at least hear Michelle out. Also talk to my lawyer, keep Michelle away from the kids until this is all figured out. They can’t have their hearts broken. She already left them years ago,” he explains then stands to pace the room with his head hung low. “There is a chance that this will also bring us back to court which is a mess in itself.”
I slide onto the mattress and sit patiently to be the sounding board he needs. “I’m sorry. This can’t be easy. I wish I could help.”
His eyes snap up to observe me, with a snicker escaping his from his mouth. “That might be a problem.”
My face puzzles. “Why?”
“She saw a photo of us, and that’s one reason why she appeared out of nowhere to blindside me.”
My heart sinks because contributing to his current state is the last thing I would want. I want the opposite, to support him.
Words are lost in my throat that now feels strained.
“I’m sure there are other reasons too. She loves money, after all.” He attempts to quell any fears brewing inside me, but it sounds too weak for me.
“I don’t know what to say or how to wrap my head around this,” I admit.
A long silence hits us again as my face remains blank.
He steps back in my direction. “Let’s sleep. Maybe I’ll have clearer thoughts in the morning.”
I nod once. “Probably the best idea for now.”
* * *
During the night,we barely slept, and even if I tried, I could feel Holden lost in his head. Could it be that when I briefly closed my eyes to capture light sleep, that even while sleeping I still felt him near and knew he was awake?
No amount of holding one another feels like it’s leading us to any resolution.
But still, I manage a little shuteye, except I wake to find Holden aimlessly staring out the bay window as he stands with his head against the glass. He’s clearly exhausted with no ounce of sleep had.
I sit up and grab my robe at the edge of the bed. Quickly, I walk to him and stand behind him to touch his hanging arms.
“You must be tired,” I whisper.
“It doesn’t matter. I needed to get my thoughts in order.”
I hum a sound of understanding. “I can imagine.”
He steps out of my hold and leaves me like an unexpected breeze. When I have the opportunity to study his agitated face, my center point in my stomach begins to twist with fear.
“I should have been wiser,” he begins. “I’ve been careless by letting you into my life, into Lori and Harry’s lives.”
My attempt to walk to him is stopped when he holds his hands up indicating not to step closer. But I will say what I need to anyhow. “We can figure this all out together. I won’t let you do this alone. I care for Harry and Lori too,” I assure him. I’ll stand firm on that.
“Lexi, we’ve been doing everything backwards. Living together, saying feelings that might not be true…” He stalls because my entire body freezes. I want to believe he’s just pushing me away and trying to hurt me. “I mean, one day you’ll want a husband and a child of your own. You’re still young, and we haven’t talked about it. I just assumed probably.”
My fearlessness and conviction to my beliefs hit me in a flash. I walk to him to grab his arm, as if I can beg. But he only shakes me off. “I know what you’re doing, but I’ll still be here for you because I love you. You don’t have to do this all alone.”
He goes even further to the other side of the room, and I keep my feet planted in place. To anyone who might walk in, it would appear as if we are in two separate corners in a boxing match, except no physical pain will happen except in our hearts.
“Lexi, I’m serious. I’ve made a mistake, and I realize that now.” Holden can’t even look at me, yet his voice is excruciatingly firm.
I raise my voice. “I’ll erase this conversation, because you can’t be thinking clearly after being blindsided by your ex-wife and protectiveness for your children because you’re a great dad?—”
“I need to do this alone.” Our eyes meet, and his are a razor to my heart, his eyes dark.
Tears begin to burn, but I won’t let them escape. He needs to realize that I will put action behind my words. “I won’t let you do it alone. That’s how relationships work.”
