I drove to Margie’s house in Salem. That was a difficultencounter, but eventually she listened to me. She realizes that we are all victims of Ruby’s lies. I apologized for all my suspicions, but I convinced her that I have only Milo’s best interests at heart now.
Vince and I divorced finally in late 2025. We parted as friends, and Nick, now that he knows everything that happened, wished me luck. He told me that Milo still loved me. I clung on to that hope.
Ruby had a public defender this time but she was just as convincing in court as she was before. She was only an immature teenager at the time who had led a sheltered life, and in the intervening years she had been raising a daughter. She used the fact of Lucy’s rape to elicit sympathy from the judge. As a mother of a real rape victim, she had realized how important it was to come forward and tell the truth even though Michael Kelly had now been free for as long as he’d been imprisoned. It was infuriating. Her crocodile tears did not fool me.
Ruby was sentenced to only five years after a plea deal. I find that extraordinary. The mitigating factors were that she was so young at the time and that she confessed voluntarily. How is that fair? She only confessed because she was caught. I would have turned her in. I would have had her extradited from Ireland if I’d found her there. She will have to pay Milo a huge amount in compensation. I don’t know what she can afford. I was going to pay whatever she couldn’t but I was going to make sure he got every penny he could from Ruby. I didn’t care if she ended up homeless after her pathetically short sentence.
Her husband, Jack, and Mom came over from Dublin for the sentencing hearing. Jack is doing okay, I think. He is selling the unnecessarily big house. He told me Ruby was the best actress hehad ever seen, but he didn’t mean it as a compliment. He can’t get over the manipulation. He and Lucy are closer than ever, and I have told them they are welcome in my home any time. Mom is trying hard with me, but I’m not ready to forgive her yet. I have told her it’s going to take time.
85
I had to examine my behaviour towards Milo. I had managed to convince myself I hated him for so long because I believed he had hurt Ruby. I’d spent so many years thinking badly of him. Now, I texted him constantly, each one an apology. I told him how I understood his anger; it was justified. He did not reply.
I had moved out of the home I’d shared with Vince and camped out in Saima’s spare room for a few weeks. She understood, and she held back from saying she’d suspected all along, though she probably did, particularly in recent years.
I wrote a story just for Milo, about a parallel universe in which Ruby did not exist. Nobody existed except us. There wasn’t much of a plot. Two teenagers fall in love and get married and have perfect children and then they grow old together, have beautiful grandchildren and die happily in each other’s arms in their nineties. I wanted to show Milo that we could still have many good years together, health permitting. I printed it up and hand-delivered it to the diner, hoping to catch sight of Milo, but he wasn’t there that day.
The next day Ben Roche called me and said that Milo was depressed, and I should leave him be for a while. It devastated me that Milo was depressed again. He should have been happy; he was exonerated. It didn’t make the news but everyone either of us knew was told the truth. I made sure of it. That evening, I ignored Ben’s advice and called to Milo’s apartment. When he heard it was me on the intercom, there was a long pause before he buzzed meup to the fifth floor. The door of 509 was open and I stepped into a good-sized room. The air was stale and Milo emerged from what must have been his bedroom in a creased shirt and sweatpants. He looked like he hadn’t slept in a week. In his shaking hand was the story I’d sent him. He held it up.
‘How would we do it, Erin? I mean, where would we start? It’s not that easy.’
‘Milo, if I were you, I’d probably never forgive me, but I’m begging you, please? A day at a time? What if today we start with a trip out to Salisbury Beach? Go see the Festival of Trees, maybe ice skate like we used to?’
‘I don’t know if I’m ready. I’m more tired than I’ve ever been in my life. I just want to sleep and be left alone.’
‘Okay, but I’m here for you. I’ll go now.’ I reached the door and was about to open it when he spoke.
‘Why, Eri? Why did you ever believe I could do something like that? And you were so cold to me, even after we connected through Nick.’
I started to cry then, the floodgates opening. ‘There aren’t enough ways to tell you how sorry I am, Milo, but I want you in my life. I’ll show you. It’s all I can do.’ I craved his arms around me. I wanted to put my head under his neck and to feel his heart beating next to mine, but he didn’t make any move to comfort me.
The next day I turned up again with a small Christmas tree, and while I was not welcomed with open arms, I got a smile from Milo. The day after, I brought him a hot chocolate with marshmallows and sprinkles from the place down the street. The next day was Sunday and I had prepared a hamper of books that I thought he’d enjoy. I noticed a difference that day. The place was tidy, the windows were open and Milo was clean-shaven. He asked if we could take that trip to Salisbury Beach.
I do not deserve him. It is early days in our relationship. But today, March 12th, we discovered I’m pregnant. I’m forty-five years old. The doctor told me the baby is in good shape so far but that I will have to be careful. Milo almost carried me out of her office. I am lying on the couch in my new apartment in South Boston, propped up by pillows, while Milo is preparing dinner. I have a ring in a box under one of the pillows. I hope he says yes.
86
Maureen
I failed as a mother. I can make a lot of excuses, but both my daughters deserved better.
For years, I convinced myself that I was the one who had made the sacrifice and lost my marriage as a result. I adored Doug, not because of the life he gave me, although that was beyond my wildest dreams, but because he was a good and decent man. I wonder now why we bickered so much. It was always about silly, inconsequential things. And I had betrayed him.
I bumped into Kenny Carter coming out of a grocery store when a bag split and my groceries went everywhere. He was the person who helped me chase down the tomatoes and the pineapple. He was Brad Pitt beautiful, and I think he knew it. That day he invited me for coffee and, stupidly, I went. I was so bored by then. My kids were growing up. I was losing my purpose and here was this beautiful younger man who let me know he wanted me. I used Bible Camp as an excuse to see him. He was a paramedic, and I offered him some work teaching first aid to groups of kids and he agreed. Afterwards, we got lunch together, and then a few times we went back to his tiny apartment and had disappointing sex. Our affair was short-lived. When I realized Ruby was going to be in his group that day, I asked him to be especially nice to her. She was finding it difficult growing up in the shadow of her sister, who was beautiful and brilliant in every way.
Kenny and I slept together three times. I felt terribly guilty for cheating on Doug and shortly after that I called a halt to the affair. There was something sleazy about the way he talked about women, but it was the guilt that stopped me.
At the time, when Ruby told me what she’d done and then what Kenny had done, I panicked. I called Kenny up and screamed down the phone at him. He didn’t give a shit. He knew all about the court case. He knew that Ruby was no virgin and he told me triumphantly as if he’d played some mean-boy trick on me. I felt such disgust with myself. He wasn’t going to the cops with that, though, he knew how it would make him look. I could hear his smirk down the phone.
I did not use the situation to get back to Dublin as Erin has accused me of doing, but I had to get us out of Boston fast. I had seen her name graffitied on walls in South Boston, and Dublin was the only other place I knew. Although the media never released her name, too many people in Boston knew: her friends, her school, some of Doug’s congregation, Milo’s friends and family, and Kenny Carter.
I prayed for Milo every night. I found a charity that anonymously sends packages to prisoners: new underwear, socks, hygiene products, sweets, books, craft sets of aeroplane models – they have a menu. I sent him a parcel once a month for thirteen years.
It was naive to think that Doug would follow me to Dublin. Maybe he didn’t love me as much as I loved him, but I think the church always came first with him. When I look back, I can’t see how I ever thought he would be able to start a church or a business in Dublin where the rules were so different. Desperation made me hope there was a chance. I thought that love would keep us together.
I could not believe that he wanted a divorce. Divorce wasonly legalized in Ireland in 1996. It was still shameful to me. I buried myself in activities with my old friends from schooldays, I helped in a charity shop three days a week and I volunteered in an after-school club for primary age kids, and then I got a part-time job in a school for boys. It never crossed my mind to have a new husband or to date anyone. I had some offers, but I never felt that spark I had with Doug. And after Kenny Carter, I didn’t trust my own judgement around men.
When I heard that Milo’s mother, Elaine Kelly, had taken her own life, I was utterly horrified and felt entirely responsible. Ruby was devastated by that. If only I had told the truth at the time.
