“I need… I need to be alone, please.” My request is met with silence, and I wait, thinking he’ll eventually answer. When nothing comes and several seconds have passed, I worry. “Lex?”
“Tell me we will work things out,” he begs. “Promise you won’t leave me because of this, Andrea.”
His voice is irregular, as if he’s on the verge of crying. Covering my mouth with my hand, I muffle the sob that shakes me. A tear rolls down my cheek as a heavy and painful lump swells in my throat. I can’t live without him. Not anymore. He messed up and hurt me, but this isn’t the end of us. Just another bump in our very bumpy way to happiness.
We’ll work it out. He’ll make it make sense, and I’ll forgive him.
Letting my hand down, I take a deep breath and say, “I promise.”
“You won’t leave me?” he asks after a moment, so close to the panel his forehead must be right on it, inches away from me. My heart breaks further as I fight the urge to open the door and throw myself in his arms.
“I won’t. But I need to be alone for a moment.”
Another silence. Ten seconds that wreck me. “I love you, Andrea.”
More tears roll all the way to my chin. How can love hurt so much? Isn’t it supposed to be the best feeling in the world?
“I love you too,” I whisper, so low there’s no way he heard it.
Regardless of everything, I love him with all my heart.
There’s blood. Right there on my cock, there’s blood smeared in the mix of my cum and hers. Refusing to accept the truth, I first think it’s because of her period. But it doesn’t add up since the last one was on our way to Seoul. It’s too soon.
This is the reason why all this felt so wrong, the reason she locked herself in the bathroom, refusing to talk to me.
I hurt her. I fucking hurt her. I never wanted to, but I have. The plug wasn’t the reason she felt so tight, but I was so fucking scared to lose her that I didn’t notice her discomfort and pain. I bruised her, made her bleed.
Because I can’t stomach the shameful sight any longer, I put myself back in my slacks. She’ll leave me for this. She has to. I’m fucking toxic. I’ll destroy her if she stays. And I can’t destroy her. She’s too important, too perfect. She’s Andrea, my little raccoon, my nerdy dork, and I hurt her. How could I do this to her? This woman only deserves love and adoration. Never pain, never brutality. She has to leave me. For both our sakes, she has to go. I’d rather live without her than see her ruined by my hands.
But without her, I’m nothing. She can’t leave me. I’ll make her forgive me. I’ll be the best fucking man who ever lived. The man she needs me to be, the one she deserves. I’d be anyone for her. But I fucking hurt her, physically and emotionally. I don’t deserve her. I never will. Ten fucking lifetimes wouldn’t suffice.
Pulling away from the door, I graze the wooden panel and leave to give her the space she requested. Tonight turned into a fucking mess, and the reason for it is right outside. Walking out of my room, I wipe away the tears smeared on my cheeks. I haven’t cried in nearly two decades, so the sensation feels foreign.
As soon as I return to my family, I bark, “Everybody out.”
They all look at me with widened eyes, like deer caught in the headlights. “Lex, you still have to blow out the candles,” Lucy argues, motioning toward the kitchen.
There’s a glazed cake covered in berries and candles on the counter. I reach it in four strides, pick it up, and throw the whole thing in the garbage, ignoring the shocked looks of the staff and the protests from my family. I’m fucking done with this entire evening.
“All of you, out,” I tell the caterers. Contrary to my family, they immediately comply, gathering the last of their things to hurriedly leave.
“Alex, you’re scaring the children,” Emilia protests. Frank and Patrick stand up and come toward me, probably to reason with me. Raising a warning hand in their direction, I stop their attempt at calming me.
“I don’t like surprises—never did, never will—so next time you all decide to come unannounced, fucking don’t,” I explain. “Now, get the fuck out of my house.”
They finally get the memo and stand to walk to their coats and scarves. Everyone except my mother. “Alexander, you’re being ridiculous,” she says with pinched lips.
I come near her, doing my best to contain my fury. “Listen, you can fuck with my head all you want, I don’t give a shit anymore. But you will not do the same to Andrea, you malignant bitch. I won’t let you spread your venom in her head. Do you understand me?”
The mask I’ve tried to see through my whole life cracks, and I get a glimpse of the insecure, weak, and nasty woman behind it.
“You’re taking this way too far. You can’t choose a nobody over your family.”
“That woman is everything to me,” I mutter, pointing back at where my bedroom is, where Andrea is alone and hurt. “Do not try to see how far I’d go for her because you wouldn’t like the answer. For that woman, thatnobody, I’d burn the world to the fucking ground. Now, get the fuck out of my house before I lose it, Miriam.”
Of course, she wants to say something, but when I grab her arm to lift her, she shrugs my hand off and stands to join the others. Most of them are already out in the hallway, and Julia comes closer with a sheepish look on her face. “I’m really sorry, Alex. Lucy told us it was serious, but we didn’t realize how much exactly.”
I glare at Miriam, who’s putting on her coat with angry gestures. “She’s the only one, Julia,” I tell my sister. “If she forgives me after all this fucking mess, I’ll spend the rest of my days worshipping her. And if I’m lucky enough, I’ll marry her, she’ll have my children, and we’ll grow old together.”
