‘Is that… Is that what you want from a relationship?’ she asked, shifting so his arm fell away and turning to face him. ‘What they had in the film?’
He smiled at her. ‘Well, I’d rather not lose a leg like he did, but other than that, yes, of course. Isn’t that what everybody wants? Love? Passion?’
She nodded. ‘I suppose they do, but…’
‘But?’ Jeremy’s eyebrows lifted. He was still smiling.
Anna swallowed. ‘I don’t know… Maybe I’m wrong, but I’m not sure it happens twice in one lifetime. I’d hoped it might, but now… I’m really not so sure.’
That would explain the lack of butterflies, the lack of any deeper feelings for Jeremy,despite the fact that Teresa was right – he was pretty damn near perfect for her. She’d been telling herself it was okay, she was just taking it slowly, but surely things shouldn’t have flatlined already. Six weeks into the relationship with Spencer, she’d been head over heels in love.
Jeremy’s expression turned more serious. ‘What are you saying, Anna?’
That was a very good question. She took a moment to collect her thoughts, to probe if she really could trust this new certainty forming in her heart.
‘I think I’m saying that I’m not the right person for you, Jeremy. I thought I could be. I thought I could at leasttry,but…’ She trailed off and shook her head, aware that the back of her nose had started to prickle.
‘You want…that.’ She gestured in the direction of the cinema. ‘The whole deal. And you deserve it! I just… I just don’t think I have enough left in the tank to do that again, even if I wanted to.’
HerNot Spenceralarm had been right all along. She should have listened to it.
Not to save herself from pain or to preserve Spencer’s memory, but to save Jeremy from having to wear his current expression of disappointment and surprise. He’d begun to invest in her emotionally, she suspected, and it really wasn’t fair to let him continue. She likely wouldn’t ever be able to give him what he really wanted and needed. It was time to tell him that, to be just as honest with him at the end of their relationship as she had been the first day they’d met. She took a sip of her wine and began what she knew was going to be a really uncomfortable conversation.
When they’d finished talking, Jeremy walked her down the road to the station so she could catch a black cab home. He was solemn, quiet, as they strolled side by side.
‘I’m so sorry,’ she said for the thousandth time, and felt fresh tears dampening her lashes.
‘It’s okay,’ he said heavily as they stopped on the concourse outside the station. ‘I don’t like it, but I understand.’
She reached up and hugged him tight. ‘Sorry,’ she whispered again. ‘I hope you find the one you’re looking for, I really do… She’s just not me.’
They held onto each other for a few seconds. ‘Take care of yourself,’ she whispered, and then they pulled apart.
‘Likewise,’ he said, then nodded her a farewell and turned and walked away down the hill.
Anna let out a shuddering breath. She watched him for a moment, then approached the cabby at the front of the taxi rank and gave him her address.
When she slammed her front door behind her, the first thing she did – before she even pulled off her coat – was phone Brody.
‘Anna?’
‘I just ended things with Jeremy,’ she said, and promptly burst into tears.
Chapter Forty-Five
BRODY LISTENED AS Anna outlined the events of the evening – the film, the bar, the goodbye. He didn’t say much, just let her talk.
‘I just feel so awful,’ she said forlornly. ‘I thought I was doing the right thing asking him out. I thought I was moving on. I didn’t mean to mess him around…’
‘You didn’t,’ Brody said. ‘Not from what I can tell. You were honest with him from the start, and no relationship is guaranteed, especially after just a handful of dates. If it didn’t feel right, it didn’t feel right…’
He tried not to notice the sense of lightness in his chest as he said this, tried not to feel pleased at all that bloody perfect Jeremy was out of the picture. He failed miserably.
‘And when you realized how you felt, you were honest with him, told him straight away.’
Anna sighed. ‘I suppose I did. I just feel so…’
‘Awful,’ Brody finished for her, and was rewarded with a little huff that he suspected was accompanied by a smile.
