The time she might need him the most. Yes, she knew that. It was a risk she was willing to take. ‘I don’t care,’ she said.
He let out a sigh, so heavy and so bleak that tears sprang to her eyes. Not for herself, but for him. For whatever giant blocked his path and blighted his life.Think about what brave little Pip would do,she wanted to tell him.She’s a part of you, and she knows how to fight. She knows how to hope.
But she couldn’t say that. Not yet.
‘And if I can’t be with you, I’d rather see the New Year in on my own, high above the city, watching the lights sparkle below me.’
‘Anna… Don’t…’
The disobedient tears lining her lashes fell. ‘What is it? What’s wrong?’ she whispered. ‘Don’t you want to meet me?’
His voice was raw when he replied. ‘I do. More than anything.’
Chapter Forty-Four
THE WEEKEND BEFORE Halloween was grey and drizzly, and Anna holed herself up against the weather. It was the kind of Saturday afternoon that begged big fluffy socks and an over-sized cardigan that reached down to your knees. Anna put on both, then made herself a large mug of hot chocolate and took it into the living room, where she curled up with the fifth, and most recent, book in Brody’s series.
When she looked up again, she discovered the rain had cleared but that it was dark outside. How long had she been sitting there? Her hot chocolate was half drunk and stone cold. She checked the clock on the mantelpiece.Six fifteen!She was supposed to be leaving the house in just over an hour to meet Jeremy. They were going to see a film that evening at the new cinema down at Bromley South.
She got up and stuck her mug of hot chocolate in the microwave to warm it up. Her mother would be horrified, but her mother didn’t need to know, did she? She was about to take it upstairs to her bedroom to sip while she perused her wardrobe, but when she reached the foot of the stairs, she turned and headed back into the living room. She and Jeremy would be sitting in the dark most of the evening, wouldn’t they?So she didn’t need to go all-out on the make-up, and a cute jumper and jeans would suffice. That meant she had time for one more chapter…
By the time Anna managed to tear herself away from Brody’s book, she’d read three more chapters and she was cutting it really, really fine to meet Jeremy on time. She glanced at the clock and then at the book sitting in her lap. She didn’t want to go out tonight, she realized, even though the plan was to see the latest Emily Blunt movie, and she’d been looking forward to it all week. She wanted to stay home and find out what happened to Pip.
Even so, she hauled herself up off the sofa and headed into the hall. It would be rude to bail out on Jeremy this late, so she really didn’t have a choice. She ran upstairs and got ready, but as she threaded her favourite earrings into her ears – the final touch – she stopped and looked at herself in the mirror.
There was something missing. But it wasn’t an accessory or an extra coat of mascara. It was something else…
Where was the fluttering in her stomach? Where were the butterflies that had terrified her so much when she’d first met Jeremy? Now she thought about it, she hadn’t felt them in weeks.
Overthinking it again, Anna…
She shook herself, turned away from the mirror, and headed downstairs to get her coat.
THE FILM WAS every bit as good as Anna hoped it would be, a well-acted drama with a heart-wrenching love story at its core.When the film ended, she couldn’t help shedding a tear. Jeremy reached over and squeezed her hand. ‘I’m such a sap,’ she said, smiling as she wiped her eyes with a tissue.
‘My sister’s the same,’ Jeremy said. ‘The happy ending gets her every time.’
Anna nodded, still smiling, and looked down. She didn’t want to contradict Jeremy, but that wasn’texactlywhy she’d been feeling tearful.
She’d cried for the happy ending, yes, but she’d also cried for what might happen after the credits rolled. It could all get snatched away in a moment, didn’t they know that? And then there was a hole in your heart that meant you’d never feel that way again. It was gone and they’d never be able to get it back. For some reason, Anna couldn’t stop worrying about them, even though it was completely ridiculous because they were made-up people and would never exist outside of that film.
‘I thought they had great chemistry, didn’t they?’ Jeremy said as he and Anna rode the escalators back to the foyer. ‘I mean, they really made me believe in them as a couple.’
Anna agreed. The casting had been spot-on.
‘I must admit, this film wouldn’t have been my first choice,’ Jeremy said, smiling sheepishly. ‘Not a single car chase! And I don’t normally do romantic films, but this didn’t seem cheesy in the slightest. It made me think that’s what loveshouldbe like.’
Anna nodded. The romantic relationship had been handled really well. Maybe too well, if she couldn’t get it out of her head. Because it had reminded her of what she’d had with Spencer, something rare and all-consuming, dizzying and heart-stopping, but at the same time comfortable and… easy.
‘Fancy a quick drink?’ Jeremy said.
‘Why not,’ Anna replied, not quite ready to go home yet. She’d rather she got rid of this weird, shadowy feeling – like an emotional hangover from the movie – before she returned to her house alone.
The recent rain cast a glossy sheen on the night, reflecting streetlights in puddles as they walked to a bar just around the corner from the cinema. As they waited for someone to serve them, Jeremy slid an arm around Anna’s waist and pulled her closer, a casually affectionate gesture that made her freeze.
It was nice to feel the warmth of his arm around her back, his hand resting lightly on the top of her hip, but that… That was it. There was no lovely rush of excitement, no sweet ache beginning to build inside. What had the butterflies done? Flown to warmer climes for the winter?
Jeremy ordered himself a red wine and Anna went along with his choice, her brain too full to survey the dizzying menu of cocktails. She stood there next to him, staring at the polished wood of the bar.
