“That’s not fair, and you know it,” he declares.“You pulled away, too, Penelope.Ididcome back.”He softens his stance and leans toward me, silently begging me to understand.“I asked your brother and your parents about you all the time, but whenever I visited, you hid in your room.”
“And?You never knocked on my door.You never asked for my phone number.Heck, you never even wrote me a letter.”
My lungs burn and ears ring.I long to shove him for every time he failed to reach out to me, but he’s too big.My strength is nothing compared to his.Always was.Always will be.
Even before he opens his mouth, I hate him for his next words.
“Why is this my fault when—”
“Because you promised!”
I can’t tell him I was too afraid to open the door.Too hurt to face him.Too mad to forgive him.Too miserable to chance him finding out the truth.
My chest aches, but I fill it with oxygen and push the past as far behind me as I can.
Arguing won’t change the past, nor will it improve my future.I compartmentalize my emotions and will my logical brain into motion.
“You are my brother’s best friend.We can’t—”
“Not anymore,” he interrupts.
I pause, certain I misheard him, but also frustrated at his lack of courtesy.
“Excuse me?”I demand.
Sebastian growls and spears his hands through his hair before leaning his butt on the edge of the nearest desk.The defeat in his gaze drops a ball of lead in my gut.
“After running into you again, I realized your brother and I haven’t been close for a long, long time.The only reason I kept meeting him was because I kept hoping to hear about you,” he admits.
His sweet words are everything the lost little girl inside me yearns to hear.All the fight drains from me, leaving an ugly, gaping hole in my heart.I sigh and pinch the curved barbells in my eyebrow before shaking my head.
“Stop.Just stop, Sebastian.This’ll never work,” I mumble.
“Not if we don’t try,” he says.
I want what he offers too much to trust myself to respond, so I shuffle back to the kitchen and lean my hip on the counter.
Long, tense moments pass as I gather myself.
There’s too much he doesn’t know.Too much I never want to tell him.
“Do you even know why I took this job?”I blurt.
“No, but I’m willing to learn.I want to know everything about you,” he responds.
I scoff even as dread threatens to consume me.He’ll turn away once he learns the full truth.
“Do you know why I offered you this job, Penelope?”he quips.
I don’t know what demon possesses me, but I roll my eyes and throw up my hands in exasperation.
“Duh.You needed a compu—”
“Because I’ll do anything to have you close to me.I miss you.I need you in my life,” he confesses.
Emotions clog my throat.Forget about the bullying and self-mutilation, one whisper of my sob story and he’ll never want to speak to me again.I’m an outcast.I don’t belong anywhere.
Even the barest glimpse of belonging with him hurts too much.I’ll never survive when he turns his back on me again.
