I never knew her name, since we were in different grades and never shared classes, but her face often haunts my nightmares.
My mind supplies the memory of her bent over Sebastian’s desk as he braced his arms and leaned forward.
The hard, incredulous voice coming from my throat doesn’t sound like mine.
“You want to date me?Are you serious right now?”
He doesn’t hesitate.
“Yes, I’m serious.”
The set of his jaw and hard glint in his eyes reveals his determination.Dread weighs down my limbs.
“Do you have any respect for me at all?”I accuse.
“What?Of course.I—”
I yank my hand out from under his and turn to stomp toward my desk, but he grabs my elbow and ends my retreat.Afraid I’ll lose control, I close my eyes and fist my hands at my sides.
“I don’t want to do this,” I manage through gritted teeth.“Not here.Not now.Not anywhere.Not ever.Leave me alone.”
He gentles his grip and shuffles around to stand in front of me.
“I don’t understand why you keep shutting me out,” he murmurs.
The note of pleading doesn’t belong in his deep voice, but my heart hurts too much.This is too much.
“Me shutting you out?Really?That’s rich.Really rich coming from you,” I scoff.
“What the hell does that mean?”he asks.
I open my eyes and meet his gaze.
“You didn’t reach out, Sebastian.Not once.Not a single flipping time,” I say.
“I did.I asked Sam—”
“Are you blind?Do I look like Samuel?What part of me even remotely resembles him?”I curse the tears burning at the back of my eyes and change the course of my thoughts to a much less tragic topic.“What makes you think he knows anything about me?He graduated just like you.He left just like you.He forgot all about me just like you.”
My words are too revealing.I shake from overexposure.
The confusion shining from his dark brown eyes only thrusts the knife deeper into my heart.
“But he was on the phone with your mom every weekend and went home every holiday,” he recalls.
An ugly snort-laugh escapes me.
“Yeah, and guess how many of those visits included me?”
He searches my eyes, but I don’t have the words to express my thoughts.
“I don’t understand,” he says.
I clench my fist so hard the gemstone on my ring pierces my flesh.The pain isn’t enough, but I use it to ground me in the moment.
“You don’t have to.You promised to always be there for me but then opted out of my life.Now stay out.”
He jerks back and drops his hands to his sides.
