It’s frustrating as hell.
How can I move on if she won’t get the hell out of my head?
The door to the weight room opens and in walks Noah. He sees me on the bench and pauses. We give each other a silent chin lift in greeting.
I hate that shit is weird between us.
Not only have I fucked up my relationship with Daisy, but I’ve also fucked it up with Noah as well. Even though she says we’re cool, I can’t bring myself to move back to the apartment. It’s the whole ten steps thing. I can’t take a chance on relapsing.
If I have one weakness, it’s Daisy. I may have told her we can’t be together, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want her. The truth is that I want her so badly it’s like a physical ache. One that’s eating me from the inside out. I don’t know what to do about it.
Noah pops his earbuds in and starts his rotation. I go back to what I was doing, pushing myself harder. We lift in silence for about thirty minutes before he stops and guzzles down a bottle of water.
Again, his gaze meanders to me.
This really sucks. It’s never been like this between us. Just like my relationship with Daisy, I have no idea how to fix this one either. When I think he’s going to get back to lifting, Noah pulls out his earbuds and drops down onto the bench. His elbows settle on his widespread knees.
“You ever coming back to the apartment?” he asks.
Since I know he won’t like my answer, I shrug and lie. “Yeah, at some point.”
He picks up his water bottle and takes another drink. “Daze said you guys talked and everything is good.”
I wouldn’t go that far but, it’s as good as it’s going to get considering the circumstances. “Yeah, we’re fine.”
He cocks his head. “Missed you at dinner the other night. Mom wanted to know where you were.”
I wince before I can stop myself.
If Noah’s trying to make me feel guilty, he’s doing a damn fine job of it.
Marnie texted last week to let me know they were getting together for a family dinner. Being the coward that I am, I texted at the last minute with a BS excuse. Noah’s parents are aware of my relationship with Daisy. They also know that we broke up. I assume Daisy or Noah colored in all the ugly details.
How am I supposed to sit across from them with everything out in the open?
I couldn’t do it. The humiliation is too much to deal with.
Frankly, I’m surprised they want me around. Haven’t I already proven that I’m no better than my father?
Craig and Marnie can’t possibly want me with their niece. They’re probably thrilled we ended it.
Who can blame them for wanting to protect Daisy?
I glance away as heat creeps into my cheeks. “Something came up and I couldn’t make it.”
We’ve been friends long enough for Noah to realize when I’m feeding him a load of shit.
That’s confirmed when he shakes his head and snorts, “When the hell did you become such a pussy?”
My head whips up. “Excuse me?”
“You heard me,” he says gruffly. “I want to know when you became such a puss?”
At a loss, I say nothing.
“I’ve known you since freshman year and you’ve always tackled everything head on.” Noah slices a hand through the air. “All this crap with your parents, you may not have wanted to deal with it, but you did. You’re always there, taking the brunt of your dad’s abuse like a punching bag.”
Whatever color had been filling my face, drains away until I feel lightheaded. Noah may know about the circumstances surrounding my family, but it’s not something we openly discuss.
