“You have to press that button right there.” Aaron’s finger nudges mine onto the toggle, attempting to show me how to work the remote for the car he got from Santa. Despite meeting him for the first time only a few hours ago when we got to Shannon’s, he hasn’t left my side since we arrived.
“Ohhh.” I pretend not to know how it works, even though I spent a while testing this car at the toy store before I bought it.
He pushes my finger enough to move the car forward a few feet, and it bumps right into Lena’s sock-covered toes. She squeals, dancing away animatedly, and Aaron’s giggles bring a smile to my face. He uses my finger to scoot the car closer to her, and she jumps again.
My hearty laughter echoes through the small house, and Lena’s gaze catches with mine. Her face is alight with pleasure, cheeks pink and eyes sparkling.
So different from her hollow expression this morning on our new property.
When she blurted out that she had gotten fired, I couldn’t stop the hopeful jolt that went through me. I selfishly thought maybe she might want to stay.
But she deserves to leave. She deserves the life she wants, not one tangled with a man like me. I would stifle her. The last thing I want is to make her feel like she should shrink herself for me, for this town.
My gaze slides down her body. Her beautiful, lithe curves that I’ve selfishly enjoyed too much for the last few days. I’ve let her wrap tighter around my heart and soul every time I kissed her or touched her.
And where has that left me?
Completely ensnared while she’s looking the other direction at her life in Wilhelmina.
She’s leaving tomorrow, even though everything feels utterly unfinished. We swore one night, which turned directly into another, and yet it still feels incomplete.
I have to drag my attention away as Shannon enters the living room with a book in her hand.
“Who’s ready for a story?” she asks, handing me a copy of the book my foster sister read to us all those years ago. I found a vintage one online and gifted it to Shannon. This is my second time reading it to her kids on Christmas, and I hope it’s a tradition that never dies.
These kids have a safe, loving home with her, but that doesn’t mean their lives are easy. They still deal with plenty of difficult obstacles and relationships and trauma from their lives before they got here.
So helping Shannon give them an amazing holiday, just like the Santos family has done for me, has become one of my favorite new traditions.
Even though I was devastated not to be with the Santoses for the last few years, it forced me to build a friendship with Joe, Gary, and Shannon, and forming those new connections has given me a sense of peace I wasn’t expecting.
It almost feels like I’m reclaiming my childhood, in a way, by changing the future for these kids.
Penelope, Jack, and Shannon’s four foster children swarm to me as I open the book, taking up spots around and behind me like little monkeys perched on every bit of space. Julia settles next to me, leaning her head on my arm, and my heart melts like ice cream on a summer day.
For a moment, I simply stare at the top of her head, unable to concentrate on anything else.
There’s a tugging sensation in my chest, like an invisible connection that tells me I’mmeantto know her—meantto be a part of her life. And the way she’s curled up against me has me wondering if she feels that too.
A few hours later, after many stories and slices of pizza and holiday desserts, everyone gathers at the door for goodbyes.
Julia pulls on my wrist, and I kneel beside her. With a shy smile, she wraps her arms around my neck and whispers, “Thank you, Santa.”
The backs of my eyes burn as she clings to me like I’m someone special. Like being here means something to her. Burying my head in her hair, I grip her tightly to me. I try as hard as I can to keep the tears from leaving my eyes, but one crashes down to my cheek.
When Julia draws back, I cup her jaw. “I hope you had an amazing day,” I tell her, forcing a smile.
She lifts her hand and uses her small fingers to wipe my damp cheek. “Will you come back soon?”
“Of course. I can’t wait to see what you’ve made with those new paints and brushes.” I wink, and she blushes sweetly.
When my car comes to a stop in the Santoses’ driveway, Bea leans over from the passenger seat to pat my thigh. Luci and Lena unbuckle their seat belts in the back and leave the car like there was a silent order to do so. But Bea stays, watching as they make their way inside, and my stomach turns with nerves at what she’s going to say.
Finally, she looks my way. “I want you to know that I love you like you’re mine.” Her voice is firm and adamant, like there’s no doubt in her mind. “When you weren’t here, I missed you. And I need you to know that you’re wanted here, no matter who you love.” She gives me a soft, knowing smile.
I love you like you’re mine. You’re wanted here.
The leftover tears I managed to control with Julia threaten to spill over. I didn’t know how badly I needed to hear those words until this moment.
