Zoe said nothing in reply. His tone hadn’t bothered her, and in the circumstances, she’d barely noticed it anyway. Even if she had, it would be easy to forgive some impatient tension.
Instead, she turned her attention to Billie. ‘How are you doing?’
Billie gave a stiff nod. ‘I’m OK. It’s starting to hurt a lot…’ Her voice was strangled as she asked her next question: ‘You don’t think the baby will come before we get there, do you?’
‘Of course not,’ Zoe soothed, though she could guarantee no such thing. What she loved about her job – the unpredictability of it – was also the thing that sometimes made it tough.
‘Because I don’t want to have it here…’ Billie continued as if she hadn’t heard Zoe’s reply.
In an instant, the calmness Zoe had just been marvelling at had evaporated. Billie looked now exactly what she was: a young woman about to have her first baby, miles from where she needed to be with no real clue what to expect. There were antenatal classes, bits of healthcare advice from all over the place and online forums galore, but when it came down to it, none of that was enough to make a woman in Billie’s shoes completely ready. Then the mask slipped and she began to cry. ‘I can’t do it. Zoe, I’m so scared. I can’t do it…’
‘You can. It’s scary now, but it will be all right. In a few hours your baby will be in your arms, and it will be the best feeling ever.’
‘It won’t. I said I was going to keep it, but…’ Billie heaved in a sobbing breath. ‘I wish Luis was here! I just want…I’d giveanything to hold his hand now. He’d make everything all right. I can’t do it without him…’
Zoe hugged her. ‘I can’t replace Luis, and you don’t know how sorry I am for what you lost. Nobody will ever be able to give you what he did, but if he could see you now, I’m sure he’d be so proud. Whatever happens, you’ve got me and your dad, and we’ll do our best by you, always.’
Billie let her head fall against the seat, breathing through gritted teeth. And then Zoe noticed that the sheep were behind them. Alex put his foot down.
‘Bar anything else’ – he glanced in the rear-view mirror to catch Zoe’s eye – ‘it shouldn’t take us long to get there.’
Zoe nodded. It was fine. Everything was going to be fine. She’d had two emergencies in the past few weeks, two difficult births and that was quite enough. She wasn’t about to let Billie be the third.
16
‘Louisa Jennifer…’ Zoe smiled down at the baby in the cot. Billie was in the bed right next to it, sleeping. ‘It’s so pretty and so fitting.’
‘Perfect,’ Alex agreed, standing at her shoulder, gazing down at the tiny new arrival too.
‘And I don’t think I’ve ever been present at a more textbook birth,’ she added with a light laugh. ‘The team barely had to do anything but stand back and let Billie do her thing. It almost makes me wish I’d persuaded her to have Louisa at Hilltop where I could have kept her all to myself.’
‘You still had a big part to play.’
‘I know, but it doesn’t feel that way. It was more moral support than anything else. It’s hard, but I have to be wary of stepping on people’s toes. It wouldn’t have been professional for me to get in the way when there was a great midwifery team on duty here, and I would have been if I’d tried to get involved. Anyway, it’s not about me, is it? Billie was absolutely brilliant; I knew she would be.’
‘What did Louisa weigh again?’ Alex asked. ‘I keep forgetting and I need to tell people.’
‘Eight pounds two ounces. A nice size.’
‘Sounds like you’re weighing up fruit.’
‘It does a bit, doesn’t it?’
His gaze went back to the cot, and there was a pause before he finally spoke in a voice thick with emotion. ‘I think Luis would have been thrilled. I know Jen would have been.’
Zoe looked up to see him wipe away a tear. She turned away to give him a moment and felt him press his hand into hers.
‘Thanks,’ he said. ‘You always know, don’t you?’
‘I know how I would feel. If you need some time alone to?—’
‘I don’t. This is a time for celebrating. Jen wouldn’t want me to be sad, not today.’
‘I suppose,’ Zoe said, her smile fading into a more troubled expression, ‘this is where it gets really hard.’
‘Yes, but we’re on hand to help, aren’t we?’
‘I didn’t mean nappies and things. I mean…well, Louisa is here now, and that will bring home to Billie more than anything else could that Luis is not. She’s a constant reminder in a way Billie’s bump wasn’t.’
