‘See if we can get this one to move.’ He pointed at his target. ‘I don’t know…whatever you think will work.’
Zoe started to clap her hands as loudly as she could. Of course, it didn’t help. All it did was cause three or four of the sheep to turn and stare idly in her direction.
‘Who even owns them?’ Alex asked helplessly. He studied the road for a second. Perhaps he was hoping for another car to turn up to assist, but nobody was coming. ‘Maybe I can drive around them,’ he said finally.
‘There doesn’t look like much room. On that side of the road there’s definitely not enough space to pass…the other one might be doable in a smaller car. Might even be doable in yours, but if you get it wrong, there’s one hell of a deep ditch to fall into. We might be able to get the sheep out of the way eventually, but if the car gets stuck there…’
‘You’re probably right.’
‘Get in amongst them. We’ll try to separate them from the middle. We only need one or two to move just to make enough space for the car to get through.’
They waded through the sea of woolly bodies together and began herding the middle ones in an attempt to prompt awholesale exodus. But as fast as they got one to budge, another repositioned into its place.
‘This is hopeless!’ Alex spun round, staring up at each hillside. ‘The owner must live somewhere nearby!’
‘We could phone Victor?’
‘And say what? “Hi, Victor, can you come and move some sheep because apparently I’m so useless I can’t.”’
‘No,’ Zoe replied patiently, ‘but I bet he knows some clever hack for moving them on.’
‘Oh…’ Alex’s expression cleared. ‘I see.’
At that moment, Billie decided to get out of the car. ‘I hate to ask, but could we get a move on? Things are getting a bit…well, I don’t know what it means, but things seem to be getting a bit worse.’
‘Worse how?’ Zoe asked sharply. ‘You’re all right? Does something feel off?’
‘Apart from a new human being wanting to come out of me?’ Billie growled, clearly in pain. ‘No, I’m absolutely buzzing, time of my life! But if I could justnothave my baby in the middle of nowhere…’
‘No,’ Alex began, ‘but Zoe is here if—’ He was silenced by Billie’s scowl. ‘OK, not helpful. The man should shut up again?’
‘The man should move the sheep and get back in the car,’ Billie shot back.
‘That’s what we’re trying to do,’ Zoe said evenly, aware that patience was thin in all quarters right now.
Billie pressed a hand to the small of her back and waddled over. She bent to the nearest sheep, glancing up at the sharp intake of breath from Zoe. ‘I think it’s a bit late for the don’t-go-near-livestock thing.’ Then she turned back to the sheep. ‘Oi, fuzzy. Do you think you could get a move on? We’ve got somewhere to be.’ She stood back and folded her arms, and wasas roundly ignored as Zoe and Alex had been. ‘Ah well, it was worth a try.’
Zoe watched Billie carefully. She was remarkably calm, given the situation – calmer than Zoe would have foreseen. Was that a good thing? Either she was taking it all in her stride in a surprising way, or she was in denial over what was to come.
Alex slammed a hand onto the behind of the nearest sheep and gave it a shove. It looked round at him, impassive for a second, but then began to move. When it bumped into the nearest neighbour, that one took a step forward too.
‘That’s it!’ Alex declared. ‘We’ll have to get hands on! Billie’ – he looked up and nodded to the car – ‘get back in. By any means necessary, we’re going to get on our way in the next few minutes. Even if I have to take a few of these buggers along on the bumper.’
‘Dad!’
‘All right, I won’t hurt any of them, but I’m done with being subtle. Zoe…’
‘I’ve got it!’ she said, springing into action. As Alex had done, she shoved the sheep nearest to her.
At first, every one she prodded or pushed would only inch stubbornly forward, but after a few minutes she could see that, between them, she and Alex were beginning to create gaps. They got into each one to widen it by ushering the sheep further apart, shoving, shouting, cajoling…any tactic they could think of. Eventually, the group began to split into two halves, moving towards opposite sides of the road. But the moment the first one realised what was happening, they all began to change direction towards each other, threatening to bring them back to one, solid, impassable bunch once again. And so Alex capitalised on the momentum and got behind them all, whistling, shouting, waving his arms like mad until finally they formed a higgledy queue and began to trot away.
‘Right!’
He raced to the car, Zoe on his heels.
‘Not too fast going by!’ she warned as he started the engine. ‘You don’t want to spook them and end up scattering them all over the road again!’
‘I know!’ Alex snapped.
