It pains me to say it, but the therapists were right. Talking to my friends is taking some of the weight off my shoulders.
“And then in November, when Claire came and found me during that storm, I was on the brink of doing it again.”
Everyone’s eyes start to tear up, and for the first time, I realize that these guys genuinely do care about me. They want me to be okay, they want me in their lives.
They aren’t just friends, or best friends, they’re myfamily.
They’re going to have my back.
And they’re going to support me.
Going all these years thinking otherwise seems like a waste. What if I had told them right from the beginning? Would I be better? Would I still be fighting this battle?
“My dad contacted me, he said some nasty things, and I just… snapped. Claire saved my life, and I told her what was going on. She and Chris have been helping me ever since. I’ve been doing a lot better, but I still have my bad days.”
“Is there anything we can do to help?” Lucas asks.
“I say we paint his room bright yellow,” August grins.
Chuckling, I slap a hand on his back, “I don’t think so, but I appreciate the effort.”
Miller stands up, taking slow steps towards me before giving me the weirdest hug ever. “We’re here for you.”
“We all are, except I won’t be giving you any hugs,” Blair shivers in disgust across from me.
“Just promise this doesn’t change anything? I’m not fragile, I just need a little support sometimes.”
The last thing I want is for them to think they have tochange in any way, I like my friends just the way they are, I don’t need them to start treating me like a kid.
I understand Claire a little better now.
It’s not nearly the same situation, but I understand not wanting to tell people certain things because of how they’ll react, and then the fear that they’ll become completely different people once you finally do tell them.
I guess I always understood that, but after finally ripping off the band-aid, I realized just how much I could relate to her.
August pulls Miller off of me, “you’re still the same guy we’ve played hockey with for the last four years, nothing can change our view of you. You’ll always be a dipshit to me.”
twenty-two
SASHA
The guys all sit around Davis, comforting and supporting him after he finally opened up about his struggles with depression.
They rally around him, showing more love between the five of them than I’ve ever known.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve felt a lot of love in my life, but this is different. They’re like brothers, a group of people that will never be able to be separated, they’re family.
I lean against the kitchen counter, using it to prop up my arms and hold my head in my hands. I’m happy for him, but my heart still breaks because I wasn’t able to give him the comfort he obviously needed. Hell, I’m not even the one who convinced him to finally tell them.
“He’s lucky to have you,” Claire says, leaning on the counter next to me, watching her friends.
She shouldn’t be this nice to me, not after everything I’ve done and said to her. “You’re the one who convinced him to say something.”
She laughs, “you’re joking, right?” When I don’t answer, she just shakes her head, “he would have never done this if you weren’t here.”
That makes me pause.
This whole time, I thought Johnny was the one helping me, holding me up when I felt like I couldn’t do it myself… but what if we’ve been helping each other?
