“You guys don’t even know me.” I try to blow out a breath but it comes out strangled and choppy.
“Then let us get to know you.” Claire’s blue eyes are brighter than I’ve ever seen them.
But it’s never that easy. Too many secrets are held tight to my chest, and the moment I reach out to grab onto something I want, they may come tumbling out.
“I’m sorry,” I rush out.
“Why would you be sorry?” Claire asks.
I shrug, “because you shouldn’t be this nice to me.”
She should know. If she’s going to be friends with me, then she should know what I did.
“I could have stopped him that night —should have stopped him.”
“What are you talking about?” Steph asks.
Claire sits up, tears brimming her eyes. “Nathan Thomas.”
Steph snaps her head towards her best friend before looking back to me, “you were there?”
Nodding my head, I sit up as well, pulling my legs into my chest. “We’d been best friends since we were kids, I loved him like a brother. I knew something was off when he wanted to go to a Livler party, but I didn’t say anything. He was very persuasive when he wanted to be, and I didn’t want to be alone.”
My stomach feels like it’s in knots.
Three months ago
“C’mon, Sash, it’ll be fun,” Nathan grins.
I pull my jacket tighter around my torso, “this is the complete opposite of fun for me.”
When he asked me to come to a party with him, I tried to say no, but when my best friend has his sights set on something, nothing can stop him. It took all of two seconds for me to cave, and even though I want nothing more than to hide in my room the rest of the night, the look on his face when I said yes is worth it.
Besides, coming to a Livler party means I might run into Johnny —not that I’d be bold enough to talk to him. Seeing him is enough to make me forget about my problems for a little while, it dulls the ache inside my chest and seals the cracks of the ice I feel like I’m standing on.
“Just promise me you’ll try to have fun? You need to get out of the house and get your mind off things.”
I catch the sob creeping up my throat, forcing it back down to where it came from. I don’t need to get my mind off things, I need my brother back.
He doesn’t give me a chance to respond though, instead, he grabs my hand and yanks me through the front door without a second thought and throws me into my worst nightmare.
This place is filled with people who have no idea who I am, people who won’t spare me a second glance or remember me tomorrow no matter how hard I try to get their attention. Here, I’m completely invisible.
“Take a breath, Sash,” Nathan soothes me. “We’ll only stay for a little bit, then we can go home and watch whatever cheesy movie you want.”
He’s right, I’m being ridiculous. One night of partying won’t kill me, and I’m sure J would want me to keep living even when things get hard.
I’ll try. For him.
Nathan rubs soft circles on the palm of my hand as he guides me through the crowd, easing my anxiety and reassuring me that he’s by my side.
Nathan has never let me down before, so there’s no reason to believe he’ll start now. But that feeling in the pit of my stomach won’t go away, like something bad is going to happen. Like he’s going to do something that he won’t be able to charm his way out of or tease me into forgiving him for.
I try my hardest to have fun, but it’s hard when the only person you know is searching the room for someone else. He’s spent the last twenty minutes scanning the crowd for someone, and the second his eyes lock in, I catch myself looking in the same direction.
It doesn’t take long to realize who he’s staring at. It’s almost impossible not to notice Claire, especially when she’s surrounded by a group of beautiful hockey players.
Right then, I realize the real reason why he wanted to come tonight. He didn’t want to make me feel better, he isn’t trying to pull me out of my grief… he came for a girl.
