Claire claps her hands. “Alright then, now that that’s settled, let’s watch a movie.”
“Not so fast.” Steph rips the remote out of her hands, “I still want to know what’s going on between those two, and why they haven’t put the rest of us out of our misery and just get together already. They’re worse than you and Lucas.”
This girl is like a dog with a bone. I have a really bad feeling that I’m not getting out of this conversation.
Sighing, I walk over to where they’re sitting on Claire’s bed and flop down on my back. “I’m not lying when I say we’re just friends, but I would be lying if I said I didn’t want it to be more.”
“I knew it!” Steph cackles.
Claire shoves her, “stop acting like you didn’t already know.”
That piques my interest, “what do you mean already know?”
Steph waves me off, “she’s the centre of information in this house. The fact that you thought Lucas wouldn’t tell her about your little conversation is hilarious.”
I look to Claire, who smiles sheepishly. “I’m sorry, Ididn’t want to get involved, but this one,” she points to Steph, “likes to do just that.”
Steph flops down on her stomach next to me, holding her head up with her hands and kicking her feet like a schoolgirl. “Tell meeverything.”
“You don’t have to,” Claire offers.
“Yes, she does. She’s one of us now.”
Hearing her say that forces tears to my eyes. I try to hold them back, but the traitorous things have a plan of their own.
After being alone for so long, not knowing what it’s like to have friends that truly care about you, I can’t help but be emotional.
They’re pushy, and nosy, and get involved in situations that they shouldn’t… but I guess that’s part of the reason why I want them in my life. They do it because they love one another.
I don’t want to accept this olive branch being shoved in my hand, it’s scary. If I allow myself to open up, I’m risking getting hurt. I’m risking having everything torn away from me again.
But I’m so sick and tired of being alone.
I want to have conversations with friends about boys.
I want to have conversations with friends about the things that hurt me.
I want to have people to rely on.
Fuck, I want these people in my life more than I want to breathe.
The tears fall down my cheek as I finally crack in half. “I’m so scared, Johnny is the first person to make me feel alive in a very long time,” I tell them. “He is so kind, and allows me to be myself. Everything about him throws me through a loop, but I can’t bring myself to tell him how Ireally feel, it’s like if I do, then the perfect picture I have painted in my head will disappear. What if he doesn’t like me back? What if I lose the only thing good in my life?”
“What if he loves you like you love him?” Claire asks.
Steph’s eyes brighten a bit, “sometimes the risk is worth it.”
“I don’t deserve him,” I swallow the lump in my throat for this next part. “I don’t deserve any of you.”
Both of them look at me confused, completely unaware of the internal war I’ve been fighting since the very first day Johnny brought me into this house.
They’re going to hate you.
“Sasha,” Claire grabs my hand, “you deserve the good stuff just as much as anyone else.”
Steph places a hand on my cheek, wiping away a tear. “She’s right, we may have just met you, but you’re stuck with us now. You can tell us anything, I promise it’ll be okay.”
It won’t be okay, I’ll lose everything I never knew I needed.
