If he was here forme, he would have spent the whole night focused solely on me, not ignoring me and brushing off every little thing I say.
My heart sinks into my stomach, and I feel the weight on my shoulders double. It’s so crippling, I have to stop myself from physically falling to the ground.
I knew there was something off about this. Who in their right mind would want to go to a party at their rival school?
“She’s why you wanted to come tonight, isn’t she?” I ask him, needing the verbal confirmation.
He barely takes his eyes away from her long enough to answer, “I came here foryou,she’s just a bonus.”
I nod my head, but know in my heart that he’s lying.
And we don’t lie to each other… ever.
He tries to pretend like he’s not completely consumed by her, like we’re having a good time, but we both know that isn’t true. He keeps looking over his shoulder, checking to see if she’s still where he last saw her. He keeps bringing up how beautiful she is, ignoring the tears starting to brim my eyes.
My best friend, the person who knows me best in this world, doesn’t even notice how painful this all is for me.
Everyone here is living their lives exactly like Jurian used to. He would be at a party just like this one if it weren’t for me.
And instead of leaving like any normal person would, I torture myself by watching Claire and wondering what could possibly be so amazing, that my best friend seems to forget I exist.
I can’t help but compare myself to her. How bright her smile is, how her hair lies in perfect soft curls, how everyone seems to be drawn to her like a moth to a flame.
Then there’s me. Dull, worn out,tired.
She has everything, and I fucking hate her for it.
Claire stands up with Lucas, and the second they enter the kitchen, Nathan’s whole demeanour changes. He completely deflates, turning to me like I’m the second-place prize.
“Wanna dance?” He asks, shrugging.
“I want to go home,” I bite out, all my anger rising to the surface.
I should never have come, I shouldn’t have let himconvinceme to come. This whole idea was stupid, and instead of making me feel better, all it’s done is make me feel worse.
Nathan Thomas has somehow managed to piss me off, which is a hard thing to do when you’re someone who lets everyone walk all over you.
I’m not stupid, I know what I’m like. I’m so desperate for love and attention that I’d rather allow myself to get hurt than hurt someone else.
It’s fucked up, but it’s who I am.
Lucas comes storming out from the kitchen just then, blowing right past us and shoving his way to the couch where his friends are sitting.
He looks confused.
I wonder what that’s all about.
Nathan pokes his head around the corner and then looks back at me, my stomach sinking as I see the look in his eyes. He’s going to choose her over me.
“I really like her, Sash, please. I promise we’ll go home, just give me a minute to talk to her.”
I look over his shoulder and make eye contact with Claire. The girl looks like she’s two seconds away from a complete meltdown, but I can’t find it in myself to care.
There is nothing that could make me care about her right now.
“Stay as long as you’d like,” I tell him. “I’m going home.”
“I’m so stupid,” I mutter.
