Fuck you universe. Why?
“Where are you?” I ask, throwing the sheets off of myself and running towards the front door.
Blair continues to sob on the other end, breathing deeply before answering me. “We’re on Riverside, south of the highway.”
I hang up, shaking as I press the button and grab the keys off the counter. I don’t even think to put on shoes, I just run out the front door —into the pouring rain— and get into the driver’s seat of my parents’ car.
My hands grip the steering wheel.
I stare at the ignition, every moment of my brother’s accident playing on repeat.
I haven’t driven since that day, and I’m about to drive through a storm? I must be fucking insane.
But Johnny could be hurt, he’s out there, and I can’t wait to see if he’s going to be okay. I need to know now.
This can’t be how it ends, not when I finally decide I want to hear him out, not when I think I’m ready to forgive him.
Flashes of lightning illuminate the sky, showing the angry clouds that show no sign of leaving, but every second I sit here, is another second that Johnny is out there and I have no idea what’s going on.
I need to see that he’s okay with my own two eyes.
Fear tries to paralyze me, but I won’t let it. Not this time.
So I put the keys into the ignition, and fucking drive.
I can barely see the road, the rain is thick, it’s coming down in sheets. I can feel my tires slipping every time I take a turn. If someone were to slam on their brakes, they’d slide.
There are no street lights on Riverside, just the occasional lamp marking someone’s driveway.
My headlights are a fucking hindrance in this rain, it’s making it harder to see rather than easier.
No wonder there was a crash.
I’m starting to think that I imagined that phone call when I see blue and red flashing lights around the bend. They guide me, but I can’t actually get close enough to the scene because they have it all blocked off.
Pulling over to the side of the road —next to a car I recognize as Blair’s— I unbuckle my seatbelt and sprint as fast as I can towards the ambulance about twenty feet away.
It takes everything in me not to look at the two cars, because I know if I do, I’ll lose all the strength I have right now.
This is like a nightmare.
And I don’t want to re-live the worst day of my life more than I already am.
My entire body is soaked by the time an officer stops me, grabbing my arm and holding me back. He stares down at my feet for a second, then looks up, “you can’t be here.”
My voice is hoarse, “but my boyfriend was involved in the accident, I have to know if he’s okay.”
I can’t tell if I’m shaking because I’m wet and cold, or ifit’s because my body is so hopped up on adrenaline that it doesn’t know what to do with itself.
“Ma’am, I need you to stay back. We can’t have you running around when this is still an active scene.” I can tell he feels bad for me, and yes, he’s just doing his job, but fuck I wish he would just let me see Johnny.
I’m so close, and yet so far.
“Please,” I beg him, trying to pull my arm out of his grasp.
Someone else puts a hand on my shoulder, and when I turn around, I have to stop myself from launching into Blair’s arms because for a second, I think he’s Johnny.
“Sasha, he’s okay, he’s in the ambulance now. They’re going to take him to the hospital to get him checked out, but the paramedics say he only has a minor concussion and some bruised ribs.” Blair wraps his arms around me when he sees my face crumble, “he’s okay, I promise.”
