Claire gets this thoughtful look on her face, one that she only ever gets when she has an amazing idea. “I think I might know a way to get her to talk to you,” she grins.
thirty
SASHA
I really shouldn’t have gone. It hurt more seeing him so happy with his team, but I had to. I needed to see that he’s going to be okay, even if that means it hurts.
Johnny Davis is going to be alright. He’s got his friends to hold him up, he doesn’t need me.
But that doesn’t mean I didn’t want to run down there and be the one he was celebrating with instead.
I want to be like Claire and Lucas, experiencing this high together.
Steph tried to convince me to stay, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t stand there and watch him without crumbling. I knew if I stayed a second longer, I might break and run to him.
It’s better that I left.
This is for the best. He doesn’t have to choose between anyone anymore, and I don’t have to wonder if he’s going to choose someone over me ever again.
I’m healing, and sometimes that can be an ugly process.I need to put myself first for once, to learn that it’s okay to let go if it’s better for me in the long run.
But what ifhe’sbetter for me in the long run?
What if I’m doing all this and it isn’t the right choice?
I’m putting myself through all this suffering when I could just forgive and forget. I could be happy.
Maybe hearing him out isn’t the worst idea, and seeing as he’s spent the last two days blowing up my phone, I think it’s safe to say he still wants to fix things.
Is there anything to fix though?
The stupid doubt that he’s better off without me keeps holding me back, keeps telling me that he’s too good for me, and I don’t deserve a guy like him.
But he wants me.
And I want him.
The choice should be simple, but it isn’t.
Why couldn’t life have given me a love that doesn’t make me want to pull my hair out?
Fuck, him ripping me out of the bar the other night drove me up a wall. The fact that he thought he could do whatever he wanted and still call me his girl was like a slap in the face…
But I meant every word, Idolove him. I love him so much it hurts.
Fuck it, I’m gonna call him back.
I pull my phone off my nightstand and dial his number. After four rings, it finally connects.
“Sasha?” Blair sobs into the phone.
I sit up straight in my bed, my heart thundering in my chest. “What’s wrong? Why do you have Johnny’s phone?” I ask in a panic.
I hear commotion in the background, “there was anaccident, I was following behind him and, fuck, it came out of nowhere.”
No. Not Johnny.
“I watched it happen. They got him out, but his car is totalled.”
