I have a feeling it's going to be a long night.
CHAPTER 24
PENNY
I PACK MY bags and cry enough tears to flood New York City. Angrily, I dash them away. I'm sick of crying.
The life I want is in New York. The life I want is with Tucker.
I repeat those two sentences over and over in my mind. I just hope that I'll start believing them soon. A pesky voice in the back of my mind keeps asking me, if this is the right choice, then why is it so damn hard?
Shaking my head to clear my thoughts, I pack the last of my things. A picture of Colton and me remains on the bed, and I hesitate before picking it up. I stare at us when we were teenagers. We were so in love. And happy. God, we were happy.
My fingertips glide over the glass over his handsome face, and new tears well in my eyes.
"Penny?" Buddy calls from the kitchen.
"In here," I call back.
He stands in the doorway and looks longingly at my luggage. "All set?" he asks, solemnly.
I look at him and give him a small smile. "Now, Buddy Lawson, if I didn't know any better, I would say you were gonna miss me."
He raises his hands above his head and grips the wood frame, sighing loudly. "Penny…" His voice trails off. "Penny, this just ain't right. You and Colt ---."
"Don't," I say, stopping him before he can say anymore. "It's not going to work out with Colt and me. Not anymore." I stare down at the picture in my hands and hold my tears at bay. "What happened in the past is staying in the past now, Buddy. Nothing's going to change that."
He hangs his head and nods a few times. "Are you gonna say goodbye to him at least?"
I hesitate. I debated a million times over in my head whether I could have the courage to tell Colton goodbye. I had decided not to, but I don't know if I could live with myself without some sense of closure.
Buddy looks up and stares at me hard. "Penny, you have to say goodbye. You can't just leave him without…" He sighs again and scrubs a hand over his face. "This ain't how it's supposed to be. It's not the way your story's supposed to end."
I nod once. "Some of us just don't get our happy ending, Buddy. That's just the way life works sometimes." I set the picture down on the bed and zip up my suitcase. "I'm ready," I say with a deep breath.
He eyes the picture that I'm leaving behind, but doesn't say a word about it. "I'll put your luggage in the car while you go say goodbye to Colt."
* * * * *
THERE'S ONE LAST thing I have to do before I say goodbye to Colton. A few days ago, I special ordered a small memorial stone for Mack's grave. Mack was always like my dog growing up, and I just wanted to do something nice for him and Colton before I leave.
My legs feel like lead as I walk up to the garden. The patchy, muddy area under the shade tree sticks out like a sore thumb amongst the lush, green grass surrounding it. Gently, I place the stone on top of the dirt. My fingers gently trace over the words etched into the gray rock.
MACK
You will forever be in our hearts, and we will remember you there always.
"Goodbye, Mack," I say, rising and wiping the stray tears from my cheeks. I've cried so much during the past few months, but Mack is so worth my tears. He was the best dog. Ever. And I will miss him for the rest of my life.
Standing, I brush the dirt off my fingers. Now it's time to tell Colton goodbye. I steel my nerves, knowing this will be the hardest thing I'll ever have to do in my entire life. I have to let him go even if I don't know how I'll survive without him. Taking a deep breath, I leave Mack's grave and make my way to the shed.
I can hear him before I see him. He's inside the small building, pounding on a punching bag and taking out his frustration and an anger that I will never understand.
As I round the corner, I finally lay eyes on him. He's shirtless with sweatpants hanging dangerously low on his hips. He looks angry and beautiful, and it almost makes me cry to think that this is the last time I'll ever see him. Maybe years from now when I'm older I'll come back to town. I wonder if he'll have gotten married by then, maybe have a smidge of gray hair at his temples with a couple of Colton replicas running around. The thought makes me close my eyes and shudder. I want to be there for every single gray hair. I want to be there for every milestone of his life. I want to marry him and have his children. But I know now that I can't. This will never work between us because…he simply does not love me. And he never will. He refuses to face his past, and I am his past. How could we ever make that work? How could I ever make him happy if he doesn't remember all the times we shared before his accident?
Squaring my shoulders, I look up at him. "Colt," I say from the doorway.
He immediately stops punching and stands still, chest heaving, body dripping with sweat. He doesn't even turn to look at me as he asks, "Yeah?"
