Tucker scoops me into his arms and swings me around a time or two, making me dizzy, but also making me laugh. He can always make me smile and laugh, and that's important. Tucker and I don't fight. We don't argue. It's almost…perfect.
A nagging voice in the back of my mind asks,but do you really want perfect? All I know is that I can't stay here and have this guilt and sadness eating me up day in and day out. New York will be a change of pace, if nothing else. It will give me a place to clear my head and think about what I want out of my life. I guess I can only take a leap of faith to find out if New York is really where I need to be.
"I'll make all of the flight arrangements tomorrow. Oh, Penny, you've made me the happiest man on the planet." He leans down and kisses me, but I still don't feel that heat and spark like I feel with Colton.
I'm worried I'm not making the right decision, but I can always come back if things don't work out with Tucker and me. But would I ever want to come back? Once I cut ties with Willowbrook, I don't know if I would plan on returning for a long time…if ever. Maybe I can make a life for myself in New York with or without Tucker by my side.
With my head held high, I say goodnight to Tucker and return to my apartment. I feel like a big weight has been lifted off my shoulders. No more planning on how to win Colton back. No more fighting every day. No more arguing over stupid things. It will be…perfect.
For the first time in my life, I'm picturing and planning a future without Colton in it. But as I sink down on my couch, why do I suddenly feel like I might be making the biggest mistake of my life?
* * * * *
I'VE BEEN KEEPING my distance from Colton, which has been pretty easy considering he won't even look in my direction. The only solace I get from him pushing me away is that maybe I won't miss him so much when I leave. But the truth of the matter is I miss him even when we're in the same room together. I miss him every second and every hour of every day. And I haven't even left yet. I'm so screwed. It's going to be a thousand times worse when I live over a thousand miles away from him.
When I think of moving to New York, I see hope of a new start, but I also see a lot of uncertainty. I'm going to miss home. I'm going to miss my friends. I'm going to miss the bar. But most of all, I'll miss Colton.
How did things get so screwed up? We were on a path to finding each other once again, and somehow my train derailed…yet again. Why can't my life just be simple? Why can't I just be happy?
Watching Shelby Rae and Buddy flirt with each other almost every night in the bar doesn't exactly help my mood. Don't get me wrong --- I'm happy for them. But I'm also extremely jealous. I want what they have. An easy, fun relationship not built on deceit and anger.
They've been going on dates, and I'm glad that Shelby Rae can start a new relationship with someone who cares so much about her. She lucked out when she found two great guys to love in her lifetime. It's a shame that Matthew passed, but I know Buddy will love her just the same and will take care of her and her daughter. She hit the lottery with that one. Buddy is one of the best guys I know.
When I get Shelby Rae alone that night, I pull her aside. "I need a ride to the airport tomorrow," I tell her in a hushed whisper.
"You're leavin'tomorrow?" she exclaims.
I clap my hand over her big mouth. "Shh! I don't want anyone to know!" I'm so afraid somebody will stop me…and I have a feeling it wouldn't be that hard to do at this point. There's a lot here in this small town that I don't want to leave behind. And the closer I get to leaving for New York, the more miserable I become.
"I'm sorry," she says, but it's muffled under my hand. I reluctantly let go of her mouth, and she blurts out, "I can't believe you're leaving so soon!"
"Who's leavin'?" Buddy asks as he walks around the corner.
Sighing, I put my face in my hands. It's impossible to keep Shelby quiet. This is why we always got into trouble in high school. She always confessed before the teacher even asked if we did anything wrong.
"Penny's leavin'. Tomorrow!" Shelby says with tears in her eyes.
Okay. Now I feel bad. I gather her up in my arms, and she hangs onto me for dear life. "Shelby, don't you start crying. Because if you start, then I'm going to start."
"And then I will most definitely start if you two start," Buddy chimes in.
Rolling my eyes at him, I pull away from Shelby. I use my thumbs to wipe away the mascara making a run for it down her tear-stained face. "No crying until I'm gone. I don't want to see one more tear," I pause and point to Buddy, "from either of you."
Buddy leans against the bar and crosses his left foot in front of his right. "Why tomorrow? I thought you were stayin' until the end of summer."
"I can't stay here any longer," I confess. "I feel like my heart is breaking in half every time I see him."
Buddy swipes a hand down his face and sighs. "Colt's not gonna be happy that you're leavin'."
I pinch my eyes closed. "Buddy, I honestly don't think he'll care. He told me once before that his life would be easier without me here. I believe it." And it's not like he has been trying to win me back this past week. If anything, he's been pushing me even farther away and letting me know that he doesn't need me in his life anymore.
He shakes his head. "You both are the most bullheaded people I've ever met." He joins in our hug and squeezes me tight. "I'm gonna miss you, Penny. You always have a home here if you decide to come back."
Tears well up in my eyes again. "Thanks, Buddy. That means a lot." I place my head on his shoulder. "Please don't tell Colt."
He cringes. "Okay. I won't if you don't want me to."
I thank him again and hug them both. And then we get started with our shift.
