Kit laughed as he followed his friend inside. But in truth, he wasn’t certain he would be able to beat James as easily as he sometimes did. His mind was spinning right now. And there were decisions to be made.
Or perhaps they had already been made, years ago, and now it was just about taking the future he’d secretly wanted all along.
Chapter Eighteen
Sarah stepped into the parlor and looked around with a frown. She had been searching the house for Phoebe for the last twenty minutes, but had not been able to locate her anywhere. She wasn’t nervous about that. After all, Phoebe was a curious little girl, and she liked to play and hide. Plus, Diana and Lucas were still at the house for another day after everyone else’s departures the prior afternoon. She could very well be with them.
Yet she still felt uncomfortable that she had somehow lost track of her charge. Especially since she might soon be forced to ask Kit about it. He had been so strange toward her since they parted in his bedroom what felt like a lifetime ago, though it wasn’t.
She was trying hard not to take that personally or let it hurt her. But oh, how much she missed the unexpected connection they’d formed. She missed his kiss and his touch. She missedhim, even though they were living in the same home. In some ways, that made it all worse. He was so close, and yet so out of reach.
She sighed and shook her head. She needed to focus on her work. That was what she did when everything went wrong. This would be no different.
Thrusting back her shoulders, she stepped into the next parlor. It was as empty as the previous one, and she pivoted to go but nearly ran straight into Barrymore.
The butler straightened his jacket and nodded at her. “Miss Carlton, I have been looking for you.”
“Ah, well, I’ve been looking all over the house for Phoebe,” she admitted. “I don’t suppose you know where she’s hiding.”
A small smile turned up just the corners of Barrymore’s lips as he said, “I believe she and the Duke and Duchess of Willowby were going to take a long walk and a picnic.”
“Oh, thank goodness,” Sarah breathed. “Though I do wonder how I missed that information.”
Barrymore inclined his head. “Perhaps the Duke of Kingsacre intended to tell you about it. He is asking to see you in his study.”
Sarah’s heart thudded so loudly in her chest that she was afraid the butler would hear it. She forced a smile. “I will join His Grace there right away. Thank you, Barrymore.”
He exited the room with a slight nod, and when he was gone, Sarah gripped the doorjamb with one hand. She would be alone with Kit, the first time since she’d given him her innocence and her farewell. What would he say? What would he do? How would she keep herself from launching into his arms and declaring her love for him like a ninny?
“No,” she said to herself as she straightened up and smoothed her gown carefully. “You can do this. One step at a time, that is all.”
So she took that step, then another, all the way down the hall and to the closed door of Kit’s study. She hesitated, thinking of all the times she had come in here and found him. When he’d talked to her about his grief, when he’d touched her and awoken things in her she hadn’t ever allowed herself to feel.
And now she would have to look at him with the cool detachment of a servant and forget that this was one of her favorite rooms in his house because they’d shared so much in it.
She knocked, and Kit’s voice responded immediately. “Enter.”
As she did so, she caught her breath. She hadn’t seen Kit at breakfast, and now she drank in the sight of him. He was standing at the fireplace, half-facing the door. He must have a meeting later in the day, for he was dressed very formally, in a brocaded waistcoat, a perfectly tied cravat, trousers that fit his backside just a tad too seductively. He was even wearing gloves. He looked every inch the duke in that moment, and her heart was throbbing wildly now as she struggled to remember how to breathe around him.
“Barrymore said you were asking for me,” she said as she stepped into his study. “I hope I didn’t keep you waiting long.”
“You didn’t,” he said, his tone as formal as his appearance. “Will you close the door, please?”
Her hands shook as she turned and did as he asked. For a moment her hand lingered on the finely carved wooden surface as she tried to collect herself. Then she faced him with what she hoped was a benign expression. “How can I be of service, Your Grace?”
He worried his hands in front of himself for a moment, and his cheek twitched, almost like he was…nervous. Which made her own nervousness multiply, as well. Oh God, were they back to this? Would he sack her? She couldn’t let herself believe he would do so, but perhaps he had reconsidered the prudence of their affair and—
“I’m not going to dismiss you, Sarah,” he said at last.
She blinked. “I—how did you—”
“I think I know you by now,” he said, and the flutter of a smile crossed his lips that lifted some of the tension. “Please don’t think so low of me.”
She let out a sigh of relief. “It is habit to think you are always ready to let me go,” she said. “And I apologize that it is where my mind takes me when I’m uncertain. It will fade with time, I’m sure.”
He shook his head. “It is my fault, you ought not apologize. I was…I was difficult to you, to say the least, over the years. It will take more than a few weeks of doing the right thing to make you forget the past. I deserve your doubt—I earned it with my actions. I hope I will earn your faith the same way.”
She took half a step closer. It was all she could allow herself. It she came any nearer, she would touch him and she’d already declared that she couldn’t do that again. No matter what she wanted.
