He pondered that question a moment. “No. We had nothing left to say to each other. He wanted me to come back for control, not love. Whatever thin veneer of connection we ever had was dead long before he was.”
She nodded slowly. She saw regrets on his face, perhaps ones he did not even recognize, but this was not the time to draw them out. He looked exhausted from confession. Ready to collapse.
“May I ask you a question?” she whispered, coming to him at last and reaching up to draw her thumb across his lips gently.
He shivered at her touch. “I have dumped an ugly pile of history on you. Ask away.”
“Could he have lied to you about her death?” she asked. “Just to hurt her, hurt you, one final time?”
He sucked in a long breath. “I thought of that. Hoped it was true. But after he died, I was going through his papers and I found her suicide letter. He had filed it with her dowry and marriage contracts. Like it was a business transaction with the rest. I read it a hundred times. I could recite it to you word for word if it wouldn’t make me—” He broke off and his head bent. “—choke.”
Now she did wrap her arms around him, pulling him against her. His head dropped onto her shoulder and he went nearly limp in her arms. She held him, using all her strength to buoy his. Feeling this powerful man shake in her arms.
“Do they know?” she whispered when his breath returned to some kind of normal rhythm.
“They, the dukes?” he asked, his voice muffled before he lifted his head and stared down at her.
“You must have told them. They are your closest friends.”
He hesitated and then shook his head. “They don’t know she killed herself,” he whispered. “Just that she died. Just that my father was an unrelenting bastard who deserves his cold grave.”
Her lips parted. “Oh, Robert, to carry that pain all alone for so long. I’m so sorry.”
He was staring down into her eyes now, his gaze intense. Unreadable. And her breath was stolen by how powerful her emotions were. Empathy, understanding and beneath it all, love. She so deeply loved this man, more every day. Despite their bad beginning, despite his terrible reputation, despite the bargain he had made that now seemed like it was leagues away.
She loved him. Maybe some part of her had always been drawn to him. That he made her nervous, fluttery, hadn’t been something she’d understood. And yet now it all made sense. His soul, like hers, had been shattered for so long.
But when they were together, there was peace.
“Why did you tell me this?” she whispered. “When you have never said it out loud.”
He swallowed hard, and for a moment she thought he might reveal the same feelings that now rioted in her chest. Love. A love that would be wild and free and passionate.
“I care for you,” he said instead, and his gaze darted away.
Her heart sank a little. Not the declaration she had hoped for. And yet…it was clear it was one that was difficult for him to make at all. It was meaningful to him.
“You do?” she whispered.
He stared into her eyes. “Yes,” he said softly, the sound barely carrying on the cool breeze. “I have always avoided such things. Entanglements of the heart are complicated. Even watching my friends marry and seem happy has not changed my opinion that marriage can be a very dangerous endeavor.”
She blinked. He was talking about subjects that should have made her heart soar. But his choice of words, his tone…they were not particularly romantic. “I’m not certain what you want me to say, Robert, when you tell me that you like me despite your hesitations about matters of the heart in general.”
He pursed his lips. “I wasn’t clear. Let me try again. Katherine, I would like to…court you.”
Her eyes went wide and she stared at him in shock. “I beg your pardon?”
“Yes, to court you,” he repeated, hesitation thick in his tone.
She arched a brow. “Are you sure?”
“No, but yes.” He smiled. “Not properly court you, though. At least not entirely. I will still want to do all those wicked things that we’ve been doing. I’m never going to be the man who simpers or smiles or thinks that kissing your gloved hand will be enough passion.”
She shook her head. “Heaven forbid. But can you really mean that? Courting has an end, Robert, and it is the one you were just implying was still a mystery to you.”
He glanced at the cottage once more, his gaze distant. Bleary. Then his gaze returned to her. “Marriage.”
Her heart was racing but she managed to remain quiet as he processed that word.
